


superhuman warriors

by braveatheart



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, so much love, this story makes me happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-10-16 05:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10564293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braveatheart/pseuds/braveatheart
Summary: **new chapters posted sporadically, busy time at the moment**Kara, the alien whose life was spared in exchange for a lifetime of guarding the Commander.Alex, the first Skaikru to fall to Earth years before the rest in a stolen pod, now a member of Lexa's guards.Margeux, or Maggie, the first female Fleimkeppa.Lena, the estranged princess of the Ice Nation, seeking refuge from Queen Lillian.Lexa, the most powerful Commander to have ever lived.Clarke, the woman standing by her side and working to save everyone in the world.This crossover follows loosely S3 eps 2-7. I hope you enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this! I've loved this so far and can't wait to continue it and hear what you think.

“Lexa, your pacing is driving me insane.”

  
Green eyes flit up for a passing moment, barely registering the raised eyebrow and folded arms before darting back down again. The Commander continues her nervous steps, certain she is going to create a divet in the rock floor soon. The throne sits behind her, but she knows she can't possibly be still.

  
Clarke is coming.

  
Not particularly willingly, no. It isn't as if she will be happily waltzing in the door and leaping into Lexa’s arms - the brunette expects no such thing. The most she hopes for is a cold but formal exchange of words, knowing even that may be a stretch.

  
“This is important, Kara,” Lexa replies simply. Before she can take even another step, strong hands wrap around her shoulders, stopping her in her tracks. She attempts to wriggle free, but knows her efforts are useless. Though Kara has never allowed herself to appear more powerful than the great Commander in front of any but the closest to her, Lexa will always, in the tiniest of ways, resent the woman’s strength.

  
Reluctantly, the brunette looks up at her. That expression, that damned protective and caring yet stern expression she sees staring back at her makes her feel so young and small. Kara is just two years older than her, Alex three and Maggie four, but at times Lexa feels like a child compared to them.

  
“I am not a child, you don't need to watch over me,” Lexa spits half heartedly, secretly appreciating the warmth of Kara’s hands and the steadiness they bring. Kara is unfazed by the slight aggression.

  
“One, I'm your guard. It's literally my job to watch over you. Two, you are most definitely not a child,” Kara agrees, her hands remaining on Lexa’s shoulders. “You are Heda Leksa, Commander of the Twelve Clans. No human being is half as powerful or intimidating as you are.”  
Lexa doesn't miss the ‘human being’ part of Kara’s statement, mentally scoffing in the slightest bit of annoyance.

  
“Your flattery is kind, but my heart is not for the taking,” the Commander jabs, allowing herself a small joke. Kara rolls her eyes, and from behind the pair of them comes a small, poorly concealed chuckle. Margeux.

  
“Maggie, shof op,” Kara says, shooting the Fleimkeppa a small glare. Her attention returns to Lexa. “Yes, you are the most powerful human on Earth. So stop acting so scared.”

  
Kara's hands fall from their place, and Lexa forces herself to ignore the way it makes her heart sink slightly and her body feel older.

  
“I am the Commander, I do not act,” Lexa whispers. It is a quiet confession of weakness, something done only in front of Kara, Alex, and Maggie. And apparently, occasionally Clarke.

  
Kara has just enough time to give a sympathetic and understanding glance before the doors to the throne room burst open loudly, causing all three women in the room to jump in surprise. Kara and Maggie stand on either side of Lexa on the step below her, arms crossed behind their backs. The Commander stands in front of the throne, her own arms crossing behind her back. With her less personal guards unable to see her hands, she fiddles nervously with a broken nail.

  
There's a bag over Clarke’s head, and Lexa winces as the younger woman is thrust forward forcefully to her knees. When the burlap bag is pulled from Clarke’s head, she fights the urge to gasp. The blonde’s appearance is… changed. Battered, tired, primitive. But those eyes…

  
Those blue eyes are certainly and undeniably Clarke Griffin’s.  
“Hello, Clarke."

* * *

 

The screams echo all the way down the hall. Angry, vicious, inhuman sounds that still ring in Kara’s ears seconds after they finally end.

  
Lexa is on the balcony before she or Maggie have time to react. From the places they still stand in, they turn to each other. An unspoken conversation passes between them, and a unanimous decision is made. They follow the somber Commander onto the balcony that overlooks her city.

  
Lexa stands with her hands still behind her back, appearing motionless and expression to anyone who is not paying attention. However, Kara knows better. Maggie knows better. The Commander’s subtle and almost imperceptible signs - her clenching jaw, her white knuckles, her unblinking and shimmering eyes - reveal her hidden pain.

  
For a few moments, there is silence between the trio as they gaze out at the great city hundreds of feet beneath them. Despite the harshness of their culture, this place is peaceful and rather mundane. Children play in the streets, small shops sell their food and other goods to passerbys, and Kara picks up the sound of music coming from a tent far away.

  
“She hates me.”

  
Lexa’s voice trembles, but only slightly.  
“No,” Kara says with as much conviction as she can muster. “I assure you, that is not hate.”

  
“She threatened my life.”

  
“If she hated you, she would not waste her breath on even a single word to you. It wouldn't be worth it to her,” Maggie continues. She speaks Kara’s exact thoughts. “She's angry because she cares.”

  
“I hope you're right,” Lexa replies in a hushed and strained voice. Her eyes remain unblinking, but it takes none of Kara’s extraordinary vision to see the moisture collected in them.

  
Kara’s mind flashes to her sister, who is likely out hunting for the evening’s dinner. Alex had always been protective, overbearing at times, and had never let a day go by without telling Kara she is loved. Anytime Kara was even slightly sad, Alex always had this same look about her, every time. It was something in her eyes that Kara couldn't describe, but she didn't need to. Standing next to Lexa as a single droplet streams down her cheek, she knows she feels just as Alex does.

 


	2. Chapter 2

A full week passes, and Lexa does not see Clarke. For weeks the two had been apart. Though Lexa’s gracious and understanding scouts kept close tabs on the young blonde woman, there was no contact. Every apology, every word Lexa wanted to say to Clarke stayed at the tip of her tongue for all of those weeks, waiting to be spilled out. Now, though they are mere feet away from each other in physical distance, they are oceans apart on an emotional level. They are so close, but so far away.

“There has to be something!” Lexa exclaims, her voice rising in volume before she’s aware of it. Once again, she paces anxiously, this time in her living quarters. She wrings her hands, and to her great annoyance, realizes that even her breathing is shallow and rapid. One woman has brought out a weakness in her that she forgot was even possible. The Commander feels not two but four knowing sets of eyes on her, watching her unravel.

“Heda, it takes time,” insists a familiar voice. Though it’s been two years since her arrival, the presence of estranged princess Lena Luthor, daughter of Ice Nation Queen Lillian Luthor, still shocks her at times. Most times, this proves to be helpful. This instance is no different; the calm and logical insistence from the princess grounds Lexa.

“Do you remember how long it took for you to trust me when I first arrived here?” Lena inquires from her place next to Kara on the couch. She, Kara, Alex, Maggie, and Lexa had just arrived back to the Polis tower from a meal. The other four women had hoped the meal would distract Lexa from Clarke, and it had - but only just long enough for them to eat.

Lexa ponders Lena’s question, drawing her own conclusion as to what the brunette’s argument was. As usual, her logic is sound. When Lena first arrived at the Polis gates begging for refuge from the Queen’s horrid ways, Lexa had no trust in her. She was Ice Nation, after all; Ice Nation and Queen Lillian’s rule was barbaric and evil. The Commander was ready to execute Lena on the spot. Had it not been for her merciful and kind-spirited guard, who took interest in the estranged princess since the moment she arrived, Lena would not have lived past that moment. It took a full year of Kara’s intense monitoring and Lena’s determination to prove her allegiance to her true Heda before Lexa could truly say that she trusted the woman. She trusts Lena with her life, now, but it took time. Just as she said.

“You worked diligently to prove your loyalty to me, Lena,” Lexa says, sitting in the single open chair. She wills herself to calm down. Though her eyes trace the patterns of the rock floor, she can still feel the four women’s sympathetic gazes. With a deep breath, she straightens her body so that she can look the four of them in the eyes.

“There must be some way for me to prove my loyalty to Clarke,” she deduces, certain in her conclusion.

“You needed L to prove to you that she would not harm you or your people,” Kara pitches in, sitting up from where she was leaning on Lena’s shoulder. A small flash of disappointment fluttered in Lena’s eyes, and Lexa was certainly not the only one who caught it. She and Lena were not so different in that respect - both starved for love that was missing in their childhoods, and every bit now was precious. Luckily for Lena, her needs finally are being fulfilled; Kara claimed Lena’s heart from day one and had given everything Lena needed and more.

“I have an idea,” Alex pipes up, breaking Lexa from her trance. All eyes in the room turn toward Alex, who stands behind the chair where Maggie sits. Her girlfriend looks up at her in a mix of inquiry and wariness, reflecting the thoughts of everyone else in the room.

“What if we could guarantee Clarke a way to keep her and her people safe, and the resources they will need to sustain themselves?”

“The thirteenth clan,” Lexa blurts, shooting up from her seat almost comically. There’s silence for a beat afterward, and the Commander scans wary faces around her.

“Well I, um… I suppose that’s one option,” Alex replies a few moments later, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Lexa hardly picks up on it, however; her mind is racing faster than she can process her own thoughts. Somehow, slowly, she pieces her ideas together.

“If Skaikru becomes the thirteenth clan, it is beneficial for us all. Skaikru technology, perhaps even their weaponry, is far more advanced than ours. This could be an advantage for us. We could protect ourselves much more fiercely and efficiently, and we may have resources we could never acquire otherwise,” she explains. With each sentence, her mind begins to slow down and logic takes the reigns. The tremor in her hands fades as she finds herself calm enough to sit back down.

“Skaikru would be promised protection and the resources we have which they do not,” Lexa finishes. She pauses for a beat, realization settling in. “I’m uncertain about how the clans will react to this, and how accepting they will be.”

“Whether they accept it or not, no one would dare move against them,” Maggie points out, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “To move against Skaikru would be to move against their Heda. It would be treason.”

“I must not lose the trust of my people, Margeux,” Lexa replies, her voice stern. “This proposition may have been born from a desire to prove loyalty to Clarke, but my people come first. They must. Nothing will change that.”

“You have made choices that have proven that; none can question your allegiance,” Lena says. Her voice has a finality about it, a sort of reassuring tone that acknowledges Lexa’s fear with subtlety. They lock eyes for a moment, and the Commander gives a curt nod.

“We can’t predict exactly how the clans would handle this change, Heda,” Kara admits. “But, this alliance can bring great things to this coalition. There are real benefits from this, and all you could do is hope that your people will see them.”

The five women sit in Lexa’s quarters for several minutes in silence, each pondering the advantages and disadvantages of this proposition. By the time anyone speaks, the decision is already made.

“Where is Clarke now?” Lexa asks, standing from the chair. She straightens out her wrinkled shirt absently, pushing down the fear rising in her chest.

“Her quarters,” Alex replies. Lexa had chosen her to be Clarke’s guard and insisted that she tend to Clarke’s every need, as well as keep tabs on the blonde’s whereabouts.

Again, Lexa's only response is a curt nod.

* * *

 

Lexa is gone for a long time. Whether that long time is all spent speaking with Clarke or whether the Commander has chosen to go for a walk, Alex doesn't know. What she does know, however, is that they will be called for if they are needed. For now, it is time to go home for the evening.

When Kara crashed to Earth from Krypton and Alex crashed to Earth from a stolen pod on the Ark, both were young and without a place to call home. A young couple ranked high in the Commander’s army, Eliza and Jeremiah, offered to take them both in. The Commander before Lexa was not half as merciful as she is, but on those days, the two crashed girls had a stroke of luck. Not only did they have a home, but their new parents’ status landed them a home within the Polis tower itself.

Their portion of the tower consists of three bedrooms and three bathrooms. The extra space was a gracious gift from the previous Commander, though no one occupied it at the time. As the years went on, the rooms became filled. Now, it is home for six rather than four.

When the four women reach their respective rooms, they share a short goodnight, prepared to stay within their rooms for the entirety of the evening. As usual, Alex hugs Kara and reminds her that she loves her, then says a simple “goodnight, Lena” to the woman next to her. They share small smiles before heading into their rooms.

Though Alex’s armor is light as they had only gone to dinner and not a battle, it still takes ten pounds off of her body weight by the time it's all removed. Her eyes fall shut in bliss for only a moment. There's something truly freeing about being only in your clothing and not encased by metal and leather.

Maggie places her own ten pounds of armor in the wardrobe next to Alex’s, then sheds her shirt and pants. Alex quickly follows suit, leaving them both clad in only their undershorts and chest bindings. It is a sight that will forever take Alex’s breath away, for as Maggie turns and walks toward the bed, oxygen suddenly seems difficult to find.

Wordlessly, they crawl beneath the furs. Alex is grateful for the warmth they provide. The winter rarely brings snow, but the night air is often crisp and chilling. Tonight is one of these nights. Alex feels goosebumps on both her and Maggie’s skin as they cuddle close to each other. The shorter of the two allows herself to be held tonight.

Maggie’s fingertips trace over Alex’s back and shoulder, running along the outlines of the taller brunette’s tattoos. The shape of them is memorized, as is the story of their meanings, but Alex knows that Maggie can't help but to ask again.

“Tell me the story of your tattoo, Alex kom Skaikru en Trikru,” she says, as she does many nights.

Alex smiles, a true smile that reaches her eyes. This story has been told at least four nights each week, but neither of them ever get tired of it. (Most nights, Maggie is asleep before Alex can even finish the story).

Maggie's hand rests on the first part of the tattoo. It is a vague outline of a pod falling from the sky. Though there is no color in the tattoo, the artist still managed to capture the way it was alight with flame when it landed. Alex will always remember that heat; no summer noon or great fire will ever compare.

“I have chosen to commemorate the most important days of my life,” she says, smiling as Maggie’s lips absently press to her collarbone. “That one represents the day I fell to Earth, and the heat of the pod as the flames surrounded it.”

A warm hand moves upward a few inches, landing on the next image. The family crest of the House of El, drawn by Kara when she was a child.

“The day that I swore my loyalty not just to Heda, but to ai strisis as well. I would become Lexa's guard when she became Heda, but my job as a protector began years before.”

The next. The Trikru symbol. Maggie traces the shape, her breathing already beginning to even out. Alex grins once more. Her love may well be asleep before the story ends, she realizes.

“The day I became a part of Lexa’s guard. I knew from the first day we met that she would be greater than all other Commanders. She is a visionary; she is the first to search for peace, not domination or war. I could swear my allegiance to no better.”

Maggie smiles against Alex’s skin, placing another kiss to her collarbone. Alex pulls the woman on top of her in one swift move, swearing she hears a tiny squeak of surprise from the Fleimkeppa. Maggie wraps herself around Alex without hesitation, and Alex presses two soft kisses to her forehead.

“And the last?” Maggie asks, her breath warm against Alex’s neck. Her cheek pushes into the soft skin there; she's smiling.

The last tattoo so far is just below Alex’s shoulder blades, leaving room for more as surely more important days will come. This last one is an infinity sign with three disconnected dots near the bottom: the sacred symbol. The one that Maggie swore to protect as Fleimkeppa.

“The day I fell in love with the one who protects this symbol,” Alex whispers. She kisses Maggie’s temple with the utmost gentleness, her lips barely pressing into the Fleimkeppa’s skin. Their days were often cold and harsh, but their nights… their nights are reserved for softness that reminds them that there is always good in this world.

Maggie is silent, and her chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. If she is not asleep, she's nearly there.

“Reshop, Margeux,” Alex whispers. She tightens her grip on the woman sleeping on top of her, her eyes falling shut. Sleep takes her in graciously just moments later.

* * *

 

From the room over, Kara smiles against Lena’s bare chest. The room may be frigid, but the furs are particularly hot. There's layers and layers of them covering the couple, and the temperature could easily be regulated by taking away or adding furs as needed. So, they made the most logical decision and simply shed themselves of all their clothes instead. Their shorts and bindings lie in two heaps on either side of the bed.

“What is it?” Lena asks. Her fingers are threading slowly and gently through Kara’s hair. It's a soothing technique that she learned from the servant who always watched over her as a child. Kara can't get enough of the feeling, and a contented sleepiness washes over her as her stressors fall away for the night.

Slightly cold fingertips dance over Lena’s ribcage, tracing patterns absently. Kara’s smile does not fade as she answers.

“Alex is telling Maggie the tattoo story again,” she says, her heart warm. She loves the story as much as Maggie does, and knowing that her sister has finally found happiness brings her a sort of inner peace.

“As endearing as that story is, love, you've got to stop listening through the walls,” Lena insists with amusement in her voice. Kara rolls her eyes, mumbling a ‘whatever’ under her breath as she burrows closer yet in Lena’s arms.

“Or continue to eavesdrop on the long term couple next door, that's a risk you'll have to take,” the weary brunette says, chuckling softly. In such a hard and unkind world, Kara is sure that Lena’s laughter is the most beautiful thing that exists. With all the rough edges surrounding them, it's a rare and beautiful blessing to have such softness.

“Do you think Lexa is okay? She didn't return when she went to speak with Clarke,” Kara asks, shifting with uneasiness. Lena shushes her, wrapping her arms tighter around her shoulders. She cranes her neck slightly and presses her lips to Kara’s forehead.

“Heda is fine. You do your job well, but you're allowed to relax and focus on yourself, as well,” she assures. A breath of air rushes from Kara’s lips, tension released that she hadn't realized was there. She finds quiet laughter bubbling from her chest as she sees the goosebumps her breath leaves on Lena’s skin. Lena shifts, just barely, but Kara can hear her elevated heartbeat. A devilish grin crosses her lips.

“You seem tense, niron,” she says slowly, her voice low. Her hand resumes its tracing Lena’s torso. For someone with such strength, her touch could be so light.

“With the… with the threat of what the clans might do, how they may react, especially the Ice N-”

Lena’s spouted worries are cut off with a kiss. Then another. Then another…

Sleep comes easily, but only after an hour or two has passed. Kara no longer dreams of Krypton; she is home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the feedback, it is so greatly appreciated! This chapter is mainly in Alex's point of view, but will switch to Kara toward the end. Also... for the sake of this storyline, Clarke and Lexa are the same age. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Alex wakes with a start to three sharp knocks on her bedroom door. Her body jerks, waking the barely clothed woman still lying on top of her. Maggie lets out a quiet groan of dismay, apparently as ready as Alex to be woken from their slumber. As the light streaming through the window registers, the shorter haired brunette realizes that they are luckier on this day than most. It is not often that they rise after the sun does.

“Who’s there?” Maggie calls toward the door, pushing herself off of Alex. In her sleepy haze, Alex whimpers in disappointment. She catches sight of her girlfriend’s tiny grin before Maggie crawls out of bed, reaching for clothes. The chilly air in the room rushes beneath the furs, sending a shiver up Alex’s spine.

“Are you dressed? I wish not to walk in on an indecent couple again this morning,” calls a familiar voice, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Alex breaks into a grin and snorts with laughter before realizing what must have happened. She pushes away the image of her indecent sister with a shudder, catching the shirt and pants that Maggie tosses to her.

“You’ll want to wait a moment then,” she says, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She pulls on her shirt first, pulling the collar over her head just in time to see Maggie pulling on her pants. Alex allows her eyes to linger on her love’s toned legs for a fleeting moment, then pulls her own pants on. 

Maggie reaches the door before she does, hardly opening it before Lexa and the aforementioned couple walk into the room. They take their usual seats, the set up nearly identical to that of Lexa’s living quarters. Maggie stretches her feet out across Alex’s lap, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as best she can.

“You let us sleep past the sunrise. I take it things with Clarke went well?” Kara teases. Her muscular and defined arm is wrapped around a still-half-asleep Lena, who appears to be struggling to keep her eyes open.

Lexa gives the smallest of smiles, and Alex tilts her head slightly, studying the Commander’s face. A mix of emotions has settled in her eyes, and it’s proving to be somewhat difficult to decode exactly what they are. 

Lucky for her, she doesn’t have to wait long to find out. Lexa takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment, then lets it out in a rush.

“Things went...as well as could be expected,” she says, the inflection of her voice lacking finality. Alex senses there’s more.

“But?”

The jaw thing.

“She held a knife to my throat,” Lexa explains, and Alex sees Kara visibly tense. Her sister’s protective nature is already kicking in. Lexa, however, is quick to continue her explanation.

“I supposed that she had earned that right, after what I did. What I chose,” she says. “But she couldn’t do it. She… she began to cry.”

Kara relaxes, and Alex can’t help but smile ever so slightly to herself. They had all been right; Clarke truly didn’t hate Lexa. She never could. 

Not wanting to dwell too much on what must be a somewhat painful memory for the Commander, she decides to move the conversation forward. The pressing question remains heavy and unspoken in the air.

“What did she think about the idea? Becoming the thirteenth clan?”

Now, that small smile returns to Lexa’s lips, answering the question before the response is spoken aloud. Alex cheers silently in her mind. She’s still wary of what the consequences may be with the other clans, but Skaikru is still where she came from. It may no longer be home, but it still means something. There’s still a sense of connection to the people she once lived with every day.

“When is the ceremony?” Lena asks, finally awake enough to contribute. 

“Tonight. Word has been sent yesterday to the clans, and we shall need the day to prepare.”

_ So that’s where she was last night,  _ Alex realizes. Before she can get a word out, Lexa is standing, her body stiff and tall. It has always amazed their circle of comrades how quickly the shift between Lexa and the Commander could occur. Now, it is their Heda speaking to them, not their friend. The demeanor in the room shifts accordingly as each of them stand, arms folded behind their backs, ready to listen.

“Kara,” Lexa says, turning to the older blonde. “It has been years, but do you remember our anthem?”

Kara pauses for a moment, looking upward in thought. After a moment’s deliberation, she nods wordlessly, jaw set tight with the intensity of the Commander’s personal guard. 

“I would be honored if you would sing it at the ceremony this evening,” Lexa states, but it comes out sounding more like an inquiry than a command. Her transition to Commander has had no effect on her respect when it comes to those closest. 

“Of course, Heda,” Kara replies. “It would be an honor, indeed.”

Though her face shows no sign of weakness or doubt, Alex is not blind to her sister’s mannerisms. Her eyes give her away. She’s nervous about singing in front of an audience, but could never deny a request from the one who saved her.

They speak for a few more minutes about the details of the ceremony and the preparation for it - the attire, the order of events, the security measures - before they are sent on their ways to have a meal before the day begins. There is much to do in little time, and the Skaikru leaders will be in Polis long before dark. 

Everyone is almost out the door when Lexa calls Alex’s name. Maggie looks over her shoulder at her girlfriend, raising an eyebrow.

“You go, I’ll catch up to you,” Alex assures, quickly kissing the cheek facing her. Maggie nods and gives a small smile before walking on, closing the door behind her.

Alex turns to where Lexa still stands. 

“Sha, Heda?”

“I would like for you to help Clarke prepare for the ceremony,” the Commander replies. “It may be good for the two of you.”

Alex swallows hard, nodding. She feels uncertainty creeping in, the images of what many things could go wrong immediately filling her mind. 

“Do you think she’ll recognize me?” she asks meekly, her voice barely above a whisper. She had been tending to Clarke’s needs in relative silence with as much avoidance as possible, often dropping things off when Clarke was not in her quarters. Fear had kept her from speaking much with the younger blonde face to face. “Will she hate me?”

“You insist that she doesn’t hate me,” Lexa reassures. She steps forward, closing the space between them. 

“But I-”

Lexa cuts her off, holding up her hand. It is usually a cold gesture, but it is not so swift in this moment - it’s slow and gentle. Still, Alex complies immediately. Lexa lowers her hand and reaches for Alex’s right wrist.

There, in white ink so as to keep it concealed, is the image of three overlapping triangles to form one larger one, with four stars on each side of the large triangle. The Skaikru symbol.

“You were still her people, Aleksandra,” Lexa whispers. “That means something.”

Alex allows herself a small smile, then looks up to meet the Commander’s eyes.

“You used our full name,” she teases. It has always amused her how the name they share is the same, but their shortened names are just one letter off. “You must mean it.”

This time, it is Lexa who smiles, just barely. “I’m an honest person, ‘Lexie.’”

This brings a real smile out of Alex, one that actually reaches her eyes. A short chuckle escapes her lips, and she shakes her head. “Use that godforsaken nickname again and I’m dropping Clarke off in your room. You can get her ready.”

“Perhaps that would not be such a burden.”

Alex swears she sees a smirk playing at the Commander’s lips before she turns around, heading for the door.

\----

“Clarke?”

The ceremony is a mere two hours away, leaving little time to ready the Skaikru soon-to-be-ambassador. Lexa plans to leave an open invitation for who will stay as the ambassador, but they all predict the same - it will be Clarke who takes the role, without being directly asked. Alex has to choose a dress from the ones Lexa provided, do makeup, and style the blonde’s hair in these two hours. All while hopefully avoiding a screaming match.

(If Clarke remembers, there’s not likely any hope for that last bit.)

“Come in,” calls the familiar voice from the other side of the room. Alex steels herself over, then pushes open the door.

The first few minutes are rather quiet, full of avoiding eye contact. Clarke paces around the room in her bathrobe, hair still wet from the bath. She is so much like Lexa, it is astounding.

Finally, Alex decides on a dark green dress to be covered by a gold vest-like garment with shoulderpads and two buckles to secure it in place. The garments alone speak power, and they seem fitting for the ceremony to come.

Alex holds out the two pieces of clothing in silence, barely managing to look Clarke in the eyes for more than a moment. She hears Clarke scoff and take the outfit somewhat forcefully.

“So you’re all just as cold as she is,” the blonde mutters, and Alex feels her heart clench painfully. She has to remedy this somehow. She has to. With a deep breath to center herself, she turns away from Clarke to give privacy. 

“No,” Alex insists quietly. Her voice feels tremulous, and she isn’t sure if she can trust it. Still, she speaks again. “And I promise, the Commander is not cold.”

Another scoff. Silence, save for the shuffling of putting on clothes.

“I’m dressed,” Clarke says a few minutes later, some of the venom gone from her voice. Alex lets out a sigh of relief. It’s a start. She turns back around, breathtaken by the sight before her. Clarke radiates power and strength, even with her face bare and hair a wet mess.

She longs to say something, to speak the compliment that hangs on the tip of her tongue, but refrains. Instead, they walk over to the vanity, where hair and makeup supplies sit prepared on the counter. 

They make it through less than five minutes of Alex silently working on Clarke’s hair before a strong hand wraps around her forearm. Her right forearm.

“Why the hell do you have my people’s emblem on your wrist?”

Alex’s eyes fall shut, her left hand ceasing its ministrations on Clarke’s slowly drying hair. She pins the bit she’s working on in place, then lowers her hands and steps around so that she is in front of Clarke, kneeling before her. She looks up at Clarke’s angry yet pleading blue eyes. They demand answers, and Alex steadies herself before opening her mouth to give them.

“I was your people once, too. Many, many years ago.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and makes a move to stand, but Alex’s hand darts out and stops her.

“Please...just listen,” she practically begs. Clarke stares at her for a few moments, eyes cold and unforgiving, but silently sits down in the chair once more. She sets her jaw and stares at Alex, her gaze boring through Alex’s skull. Alex is not afraid of much, but this… this she is afraid of.

“My name is Alexandra Danvers,” she says slowly, her old surname almost unfamiliar on her tongue. She opens her mouth to speak, but this time, Clarke darts up out of the chair faster than she can react.

“No, that’s… that’s not possible,” she spits, panic evident in her demeanor. She paces the same three feet of space, and it breaks Alex in two to see the young blonde’s hands trembling, her eyes wide with fear. “Alex Danvers is gone. She disappeared.”

“I know I don’t look the same anymore,” Alex whispers, not yet daring to stand. “My hair was longer then. Down to my back. You used to love braiding it, even though it took hours.”

Clarke’s eyes are already watering. She shakes her head in disbelief, hurt flashing across her expression. Alex’s heart is pounding in her chest, threatening to burst through at any moment. Her eyes burn, but she refuses to let them water. She refuses to be weak when Clarke is the one with every right to be.

“Do you remember watching Harry Potter for hours on the weekends?” she asks. Her resolve is quickly crumbling. “We would wake up at ungodly hours and sneak to each other’s rooms just to watch the same movies over and over again.”

“What house was I?” Clarke presses. Her breathing is shallow, eyes wide as the panic fills her. 

“Slytherin, because you were always good at manipulation to get what you want,” Alex answers instantly.

“What’s my mother’s name?”

“Abby. Your father’s name is Jake.”

“Was.”

The word hits Alex square in the chest, knocking the wind out of her. The burn in her eyes is overwhelming. Hot, thick tears fill them to the brim, quickly spilling out onto her cheeks. She looks down at the rock floor, ashamed of her sudden display of emotion when she wasn’t the one who had the right to be broken.

Then again, maybe she did have the right. Jake was more a father to her than her father on the Ark would ever be. Though Abby was the doctor, he was the one who always had ice packs and bandages on hand, ready to mend Alex’s bruises and cuts. It was sort of a ritual; every time Alex stumbled into the Griffin family home, Jake would take her into the kitchen and sit her down, promising to get her out of that place one day.

“Show me your stomach,” Clarke demands, bringing Alex out of her trance. She jolts, then looks upward. Clarke’s face is tracked with tears, and the anger in her voice is almost gone. 

Alex stands slowly, her legs unsteady and wobbling. Her knees buckle and she nearly falls forward, but two arms are grabbing onto her before she has a chance to. They release her only when she’s got her balance. Then, carefully, Alex lifts her shirt.

Clarke gasps, and Alex knows without a doubt that she believes her now.

“Your father stabbed you the day before you disappeared,” Clarke whispers, her finger tracing the nasty scar on the right side of Alex’s abdomen. It never quite properly healed, leaving an ugly raised gash that looks like it could reopen at any moment. 

“I thought you were dead.”

Alex gulps. She lowers her shirt slowly, and searches for every ounce of courage in her to look up at meet her old best friend’s eyes.

“There was so much blood, Alex. I… I was ten, I’d never seen that much blood before in my life,” Clarke stutters, fresh tears pouring down her face. Her anger is all but gone, at least for the moment. Certainly a screaming match would come later when the sadness disappeared, but for now, it is gone. All that’s left is the ten year old girl that Alex left behind on the Ark. To this day, it is the hardest decision she has ever had to make.

“I’m so sorry,” Alex chokes out, sobs forcing their way up her throat. “I’m s-so…”

Clarke envelops Alex in a hug so tight that it only rivals that of her alien sister. They fall apart, and Alex realizes just how much she was missing. She had nearly everything on this Earth - her Heda, her sister, her girlfriend, her adoptive parents, even close friends - but something had always been missing. Clarke never left Alex’s heart for a second, and finally, Alex feels whole again. Twelve years of always feeling like something was still lost finally comes to an end.

Miraculously, even with the time it takes to calm down and get Clarke’s face back to its normal color again, they walk out of Clarke’s quarters on time. Dark has fallen, now, and the ceremony is soon to begin.

\---

Kara stands outside the closed doors to the throne room. The hall is empty, closed off to all but Clarke, Lexa, and the four women who stand guard. Lena’s hand trembles in Kara’s iron grip, but they say nothing. Instead, they simply stand there in silence. All that can be heard is the sound of shallow breathing and anxious shuffling of feet. Too much has happened this evening to stand still.

Kara’s Kryptonian hearing is far stronger than any human’s, so it isn’t her fault, really, when she finds herself eavesdropping on the pair inside the throne room. 

“If you betray me again-”

Clarke.

“I won’t.”

There’s a sound of shuffling, and then a thump. Kara’s guard mode kicks into overdrive immediately, and she uses her x-ray vision to see through the doors into the throne room. She stops short of bursting inside when she sees what’s happening.

“Uh, guys?” she whispers, her hand still holding tightly to Lena’s. Seeing her brother and other Ice Nation members had rattled her enough, but the attack on Mount Weather left her almost shell-shocked. She hadn’t spoken a word since the end of the disastrous ceremony.

“Yes?” Maggie asks, moving to step forward in the same protective manner as Kara. 

“Yknow Lexa’s whole, ‘the Commander bows before no one’ complex?”

“You’re kidding,” Lena manages. Her voice is quiet and shaky, but still, she’s calmed down enough to speak. Kara shakes her head, the tiniest of grins coming to her lips. Heda Leksa, Commander of the Thirteen Clans, most powerful human in the world, is on her knees before Clarke. Clarke looks just as shocked as they feel.

“She’s swearing fealty to Clarke,” Kara breathes. In all the years that she has known Lexa, this is the most tender and loving thing she has ever seen the younger woman do. (And she had seen Lexa with Costia.)

Clarke reaches her hand out and gently helps Lexa to her feet. Kara can’t see their faces, but she hears no words spoken. They stand this way for what feels like minutes, then begin to walk toward the door.

Kara hurriedly moves back to her post, never once letting go of Lena’s hand. The doors open moments later.

“Alex, Margeux,” Lexa says, turning to the couple standing opposite of them. “Will you escort Clarke to her quarters for the evening, then reconvene with me in mine?”

Alex and Maggie nod, smiling ever so slightly. Surely, Lexa notices, but she doesn’t say a word. Instead, she nods in return, and with a lingering glance from Clarke, they go on their way.

Only after she watches Clarke turn the corner does Lexa face Kara and Lena. Kara can’t stop the smile that creeps onto her lips. It’s not a large one by any means, but certainly visible.

“Did you just propose to her?” she teases, the banter slipping past her lips before she even has time to stop it. Despite everything, Lena chuckles next to her, looking down to hide her smile. The sound brings a sense of relief to the three of them, and some of the tension from the evening leaves their bodies.

Lexa bites back a grin of her own as she looks down momentarily, shaking her head. “Your ability to joke at times like this never fails to astound me.”

Their moment of ease begins to fade, but only just. “I’m not sure how we could manage through it otherwise, Heda. But I assure you, I find no humor in tonight’s events.”

“I know, Kara,” Lexa says quickly, calming the blonde’s moment of worry. “Thank you. For trying to make it a bit easier.”

Kara simply nods, allowing a small and somewhat sad smile in return.

The moment passes, and Lexa turns her attention to Lena. The raven haired woman is trembling again, and Kara watches the bob of her throat as she continues to swallow back her emotions. Usually pale cheeks are flushed with pink.

Lexa says four simple words, but they hit Kara rather hard. She can’t personally relate to what Lexa is saying, but she can see the way it affects Lena. They way the weight of the evening lifts off her shoulders, and the fear burdening her begins to melt away.

“You are not them.”

With this, they walk back to Lexa’s quarters side by side. Tears slip down Lena’s cheeks in silence, and Kara’s heart aches for her girlfriend. She can only imagine her inner turmoil. As they approach the doors to Lexa’s quarters, she makes a note to herself that tonight, she will hold Lena, rather than the other way around.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bit longer wait! School started back up, so my update schedule will be a bit more sporadic. I might be able to get chapter five up tomorrow, however, and perhaps another chapter Monday. If not, know that I'm still working on this story and it'll updated at least once a week. I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a long one.

It had all happened so fast. 

One moment, all the ambassadors of the Thirteen Clans were gathered in the war room, and Lillian was brought into the room, her hands bound. The next, the twelve original ambassadors were chanting “nou heda nou mou” incessantly, and all at once Lexa was thrown into a fight against Lex Luthor. Lexa refused to let anyone fight in her place. Her pride is a beautiful thing most times, but now, Kara wishes that she were allowed to stand in the Commander’s place.

“Lexa, beja,” Kara pleads. They’ve returned now to the young blonde’s living quarters with Maggie and Clarke, awaiting the arrival of Alex and Lena. The thought of Lena and what this means for her makes Kara’s stomach twist in knots, but she pushes the sensation away. Lena is not yet here, but Lexa is, and there’s no certainty in how long the brunette will be around.

“Kara, putting you in that arena is not a fair fight, and you know that,” Lexa says as calmly as possible. She sits in the chair nearest to the window. It may have been the guard’s imagination, but she could swear she catches a slight tremor in the Commander’s hands.

“Then put me in,” Maggie and Clarke urge in unison, almost comically. They look to each other momentarily, then train their eyes on Lexa once again. This time, it is Kara who’s pacing about the room, unable to keep still as anxiety courses through her.

“I can’t do that. Margeux, you are the Fleimkeppa. You are needed for years to come. Clarke…”

Lexa trails off, her eyes drifting up to the woman aforementioned. Her mouth moves to form words, but no sound comes out. Clarke stares back intently, eyes begging for Lexa not to do it. Lexa shakes her head and looks down. Kara can hear the brunette’s heart pounding.

“Clarke, I can’t,” she admits. Her voice is barely above a whisper. 

There’s only a beat of silence before she collects herself. She takes a deep breath and straightens her back, sitting up in the chair now. Kara does not cease her pacing, even when Maggie tries to wrap her hand around her shoulder. 

“I will not send your significant others, either,” Lexa promises. “You would never forgive me, nor I myself. And Kara… it would be ruthless and cruel to ask Lena to fight to the death against her own brother.”

They hadn’t heard the door crack open. There’s a sharp intake of breath that Kara hears distinctly, and her head whips toward the entrance to the room. Lena and Alex stand there, frozen in their tracks. Alex’s eyes are wide with worry and confusion, and she looks to Maggie for some sort of explanation.

Lena’s heart is racing a million miles an hour, and her breathing is quickly becoming shallower. Kara wants to dash over to her, to hold her and promise that everything will turn out alright, but she refuses to make promises she can’t keep. Furthermore, while her brain is telling her body to move, it doesn’t appear to be responding. She’s frozen, just as Lena and Alex are.

Lena’s cheeks are turning a dangerous shade of pink. Her lip is beginning to quiver.

“Would someone care to explain to me why my brother is in a fight to the death?”

* * *

 

The silence in the room is deafening, and the tension is so thick that it feels hard to breathe. Kara struggles against the stuffy air, but wills herself to take a few deep breaths. She has to at least appear calm for the woman who’s huddled tightly into her side, clinging to her hand with a grip that makes her own seem weak. Lena stares down at their interlocked hands, hardly moving, hardly breathing.

“Put me in,” she says suddenly, no louder than a murmur.

Lexa’s head snaps up, her eyes immediately filling with confusion and disbelief. She’s very quick to turn the idea down.

“Lena… no. I know you think that this is what you want, but you have nothing to prove,” Lexa assures. The Commander quickly strides over to the bed that Kara and Lena are sitting on, pulling a chair with her as she goes. She places the chair in front of the two of them, just inches away, and sits. Her head raises slowly, and Kara spots a strange mix of fear and love in her Kryptonite eyes.

“You are one of the most loyal people I’ve ever met, and to the right people,” Lexa says, her voice soft and kind. “You are more loyal than some of the people who were brought up in my own clan. You don’t have to continue to prove yourself.”

“Someone is going to die,” Lena whispers. Her voice is tremulous and uncertain. “Either my blood or my family is going to die.”

The words hit Kara hard, and they appear to impact everyone else in the room as well. Kara and Alex meet eyes for a moment suspended in time. They know much about the difference between family and blood. Clarke and Maggie both take in a deep breath. Lena’s words have stirred some emotion in them, but Kara can’t quite read nor assume what that may be. 

A shaking hand squeezing tighter brings the blonde out of her thoughts.

“My brother… can I say goodbye?”

Clarke’s heart thuds, and Kara hears it actually skip a beat. The slightly younger golden haired woman ceases to breathe for a moment. Her eyes immediately begin to water, and she turns away from the other four women. Kara and Maggie meet eyes for a second at the most, remembering the last time someone asked Lexa that same four-word question.

The Commander’s face looks sunken in, almost, a dark and somber expression coming over it. She nods slowly.

* * *

 

In what feels like the blink of an eye, the time has come. The fight is not so cut and dry as it first appeared; Clarke’s attempts to stop the fight herself revealed the nature of the Ice Nation queen’s intentions. Lillian has been harboring a Nightblood and training the young girl without Lexa’s knowledge. The Queen wants Lexa to lose this fight so that an Ice Nation Commander might rule in her absence. 

The battle to the death is just minutes away, now. Clarke, Alex, Lena, Maggie, Kara, and Lexa all stand in the throne room. Clarke’s face is streaked with black; Ontari’s blood. They’ve all given up on trying to convince Lexa not to go - they’ve learned over the years that she’s not likely to budge once she’s set on something.

Clarke, however, refuses to give up.  

“I won’t just sit there and watch you die!”

The words silence everyone in the room. Clarke’s plea takes Lexa by surprise. It is one of the first things that she’s said since her return that can’t be argued as something ‘for her people.’ This is personal. Lexa struggles to find words, her mind racing with millions of thoughts that she can’t voice.

Before she’s given the chance to figure it out, Maggie speaks up, her voice hushed and mournful.

“Heda… it’s time.”

Finally, the words come, even if they break the Commander’s thudding heart.

“Then this is goodbye… for now.”

She looks first at Clarke for a few lingering moments, then glances upward at Alex and Lena. Kara and Maggie will be with her for a few more minutes, all the way up until the moment that she has to step into the arena. For the significant others of her guard and Fleimkeppa, however… this may be goodbye, indeed. Sorrowful eyes stare back at her, speaking words that don’t quite reach their lips.

Suddenly, then, Lexa steps forward, walking quickly out of the throne room. She pretends not to feel the eyes that follow her, nor hear the quiet sharp breath that is undeniably Clarke’s. Instead, the young brunette focuses on the sound of Kara and Maggie’s footsteps following close behind her, reminding her that all is not yet lost.

* * *

 

The fight ends just as quickly as it starts. Lexa stares at Lex Luthor lying on the ground beneath her, battered and bloody just as she is. Then, she averts her eyes to the woman watching expectantly in the throne just feet away. The spear in the Commander’s hands feels heavy. Her body is exhausted with the effort of the fight and the weight of its events, and those soon to come.

“Get on with it,” Lex growls, struggling under the weight of Lexa’s foot on his chest. It takes her a moment to realize that he expects to lose. He expects to die, sent by his own mother.

Lexa’s eyes fall shut for a moment, no longer. When she opens them, she turns directly to where Kara stands. Kara’s chin raises slightly. She’s got the blonde’s attention.

“Tell Lena I’m so sorry,” she whispers, silently cursing herself for the strain in her voice. Kara hears her without a doubt; Lexa can see it in the way her eyes change.

With her laments voiced, the Commander turns her attention to the Queen. Lillian leans forward, presumably anticipating her son’s next move, and her eyes widen. It’s almost as if she has figured out what is going to happen before Lexa has even drawn back her arm.

In three short seconds, Lexa sends the spear flying through the air and directly into Lillian’s chest. She watches with an ache clawing at her chest until the life leaves the Luthor’s eyes. The guilt threatens to eat her alive. She can’t bear to look at Kara or Lena, or any of her closest friends for that matter. Instead, she looks down at Lex beneath her.

“Where does your loyalty lie?” the Commander asks over the roars sounding all around the arena.

“I won’t stand with you and that Skaikru girl,” Lex spits in disgust. Blood pours from several gashes in his face. His expression changes slightly, and he continues. “But there will be no unnecessary attacks against your people or theirs.”

For now, that has to be enough. Lexa pulls her foot off of the King’s chest, and he pulls in a strangled breath. She hadn’t realized how hard she was pressing down until he begins to gasp for air.

Finally, the Commander finds the courage she needs within her to look up. It’s just in time, because Kara and Maggie are mere feet away, their faces void of all emotion. Alex and Clarke follow close behind. Behind them all, dragging another few feet behind, is Lena. Lexa’s heart thuds and flutters with fear, and she feels for a moment like she may vomit. 

“Bants, nau!” Maggie yells at the top of her lungs. The entire arena responds instantly, clamoring over each other to leave the space. Lex stands and immediately walks the opposite direction of his sister and dead mother, not even bothering to spare Lena a glance. 

It isn’t until the whole arena is cleared that Lexa allows her shaking knees to buckle. Kara and Alex, however, are already a step ahead of her. Their arms reach out instantly to catch her, not allowing her to hit the ground. 

“I gotcha… I gotcha,” Kara whispers, her arm coming beneath the Commander’s shoulders to support her weight. Lexa’s emotions are at war; being so vulnerable makes her feel incredibly weak, but there’s no one left to see now. She allows herself this moment of weakness and leans into Kara, letting the blonde hold her up.

The six women stand there in total silence, listening only to the sounds of the wind, until Lexa stops shaking so hard. She stands, now, and pushes her weakness aside as she looks up at Lena. She opens her mouth to speak, but the raven haired woman is quick to refute every word she’s about to say.

“It was the right choice for the many,” Lena says. There’s a certain sadness in her eyes, but it occurs to Lexa that it may not be for the loss of her mother. She isn’t looking backward at the corpse still lying in the seat; she’s staring in the direction of where her brother walked away just minutes ago.

“Your mother…”

“Lexa, my family made it out of this alive,” Lena urges, a finality in her voice. “My true family is alive. And the only blood that ever felt like family is alive. That’s all that matters to me.”

Lexa doesn’t respond. If this is an act, it is a good one. She decides that it is enough for now and doesn’t push the subject any further.

“Let’s go get that hand cleaned up,” Alex insists, looking down at the gash in Lexa’s left hand. It’s still pouring thick  black blood, staining the ground beneath them. 

“I think I can manage dressing a wound,” Lexa insists in return. There has been far too much weakness for her inner comfort level in the last ten minutes, and she seeks desperately for a chance to gain her strength back.

She’ll have to get that chance another time, because both Alex and Clarke send hard glares in her direction. She gives, simply nodding her agreement.

* * *

 

By the time night falls, exhaustion has crept into every nook and cranny that Alex Danvers has in her body. It takes Maggie a solid five minutes to convince her to shed her outer layers before climbing into the hot bath that she’d drawn up, and another five minutes to even get out of the water. The walk between the washroom and the bed feels unending, and she crawls beneath the furs without bothering to put anything on. Her eyes fall shut instantly, and she hears Maggie chuckle softly before climbing in behind her. Strong, warm arms wrap around her middle, and she feels the gentle press of Maggie’s lips against the nape of her neck before the brunette settles into the pillows.

“I bet you good money that Lexa is either already in or going to Clarke’s room,” she whispers, her breath hot against Alex’s neck. Despite her exhaustion and the heavy emotion of the day, she grins. Her tired mind had been thinking the same thing, but she hadn’t the energy to say it.

“Oh, absolutely,” she mutters back, feeling the press of Maggie’s cheek against her hair as her love smiles. Maggie shifts behind her, propping herself up on one elbow. Long, still-damp locks of hair fall over the side of Alex’s face, almost tickling but not quite.

There’s a few beats of silence, the only movement the rise and fall of their chests and the only sound their steady breathing. Alex peeks upward, opening only her right eye to look at Maggie.

“What are you doing?”

“Just watching you,” Maggie says, placing the gentlest of kisses to Alex’s temple. Alex smiles contentedly as the lips linger for a few moments. When Maggie speaks again, her voice is thicker. “I don’t want to miss a moment of loving you.”

The change in Maggie’s voice wakes Alex up a bit. She rolls over onto her back so that she can fully look up at her love. In the light of the lone candle next to their bed, she catches the slight quiver in Maggie’s lip and the sheen of her eyes.

“Hey… talk to me,” she whispers, reaching upward. She tucks a few locks of stray hair behind Maggie’s ear, momentarily taken aback by the beauty of the face she looks up at.

“We live in such a dangerous world, Alex,” Maggie explains, her voice cracking on the younger brunette’s name. “There is no certainty in anything.”

The pieces fit together all at once, and Alex is pulling Maggie into her arms before either of them can blink. She holds the Fleimkeppa tighter than she might normally, but Maggie doesn’t seem to mind. She lets out a heavy breath, leaving goosebumps in its wake on Alex’s skin.

“I’m not going anywhere, you hear me?” Alex reassures. Her voice is low and soothing; it is one reserved only for Kara and Maggie. She threads her fingers through long, thick locks of brunette hair, letting them fall against the still-warm skin of Maggie’s shoulder. Slowly, the panicked woman’s breathing slows until it is as even as Alex’s.

“I love you,” she whispers.

Alex wonders if Maggie can hear the way her heart flutters in surprise. The three words are rare between the two of them. Not because they aren’t felt; they always have been, from the day they met. Since their childhoods, declarations of love between romantic partners have been few and far between. They’d had no real semblance of true romantic love in their lives, nor real examples, for much of their lives. Sure, Alex had learned some from Abby and Jake, and then Eliza and Jeremiah… but she was raised in the most influential times of her life around violence and abuse between her biological parents. Maggie had been ripped from her family as a young child, hardly old enough to recognize them, and sent into training not long after. If they knew anything about love, it was because of each other. Still, old habits and lessons die hard. Hearing those three sacred words impacts Alex more than she’s expecting them too.

“Ai hod yu in, niron,” she replies. Not seconds later, soft snoring escapes Maggie’s lips. It is only then that Alex allows herself to fall asleep.

* * *

 

In the room over, Kara is already fast asleep. She’d taken it upon herself to gather Lillian’s body and transport it to the Ice Nation, to be buried however they may choose. The effort was great both emotionally and physically, and it had depleted the Kryptonian’s energy completely. Still, Lena admires and appreciates the fact that Kara kept herself awake long enough to remind her how loved she is, and that she’s there even if she has to be woken up. 

Now, Lena stares at the ceiling of their quarters in silence, her mind running rampant.

Lillian is dead. Lex left without even saying goodbye.

Somehow, the ache of her brother leaving far surpasses that of her mother’s death. The thought of Lillian’s passing is more a relief than anything; evil as Lex may have appeared, there is good in him that Lena refuses to give up on. That good was nowhere to be found in her ‘mother,’ and with bitterness in her heart the raven haired princess decides that the loss is not so much a loss after all. 

She can’t stop replaying the moment that Lex slipped out of sight.

Sleep does not come easily, despite her exhaustion. Instead, Lena spends hours just staring at the ceiling as Kara sleeps peacefully beside her, their hands still intertwined, wondering if Lex might be thinking of her, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all of the comments and kudos mean the world! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on this one! It's long, and I'm not sure how good it is - life has been crazy. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!

Lexa’s knuckles rap softly against the glass panes in Clarke’s door. The morning light is only just streaming in through the windows of the tower, giving the walls a warm pink hue. There’s still a slight chill in the air. The Commander tries her best not to appear cold, but the goosebumps on her arms betray her.

Moments later, the door quietly creaks open, revealing a disheveled and barely awake Clarke. Her hair is a knotted, slightly greasy mess, and there are dark bags beneath her eyes. Sleep has not come easily to her, so it appears.

“I’m sorry to wake you,” Lexa murmurs. The sound of her own voice seems loud in the silence of the still asleep tower. Even Kara is not awake yet, and the Kryptonian is typically the first by her side each dawn. “We march to Arkadia today. We may not have the Queen’s body, but we have kept her crown. I believe we should give it to Arkadia as a mark of unity with the clans and as a reminder that our common enemy is no longer a threat.”

Clarke simply nods as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. They are bloodshot, but the redness only serves to make her ocean blue irises even more prominent and breathtaking. It takes true effort for Lexa to continue to breathe properly. The brunette scolds herself for her weakness, but only for a moment.

“When do we leave?” Clarke asks, and the moment of scolding is all but gone, because Clarke’s tired, deep, raspy voice has Lexa’s knees nearly buckling underneath her. She reaches almost pathetically for the door frame and tries to play it off as taking a step forward. Clarke doesn’t even try to hide her tiny, knowing grin.

“In two hours. We should have something to eat before we leave,” the Commander decides. Clarke nods.

“Should we meet in Kara’s room in an hour?” she inquires, running her fingers through her hair. She grimaces slightly. Lexa merely nods.

“See you then, Commander,” Clarke says. With a smile and a nod, Lexa closes Clarke’s door and begins the trek up to Kara and Alex’s floor.

When she arrives, her guard’s door is already open, and soft voices are floating down the hallway. As Lexa walks closer to Kara’s quarters, she can hear four different distinct voices speaking in hushed tones.

She walks into the room without even bothering to knock; such niceties only happen occasionally. None of the four women seem to mind, however; they greet her with tired smiles and a fur blanket to wrap around her shoulders. The Commander takes her usual seat.

“You’re up early,” she observes, meeting each of their eyes. “Why?”

“Heard you saying you wanted to head to Arkadia in a couple of hours,” Kara replies, a shivering Lena wrapped in her arms. “I hear all.”

Lexa gives a small smile in return, then nods. “I assume Clarke might want to see her people again and deliver them the crown.”

Lena tenses, ever so slightly, but Lexa does not miss it. She instantly regrets the mention of the Ice Nation royal family. Kara, though, is quick to comfort Lena. With the swipe of her thumb across the raven haired woman’s shoulder, the tension dissipates.

“Better start getting ready then,” Alex says, looking toward the window. The sun is ever quickly rising, their time before departure dwindling. Lexa nods, but no one moves.

Finally, after a few moments of tired silence, Maggie speaks up.

“Why couldn’t we have taken an afternoon trip instead?” she asks pitifully, sleep still dripping from her voice. 

Lexa can’t help herself as a genuine smile lights up her face in response.

* * *

 

The hours of travel pass almost uneventfully. They ride horses from the gates of Polis toward Arkadia in relative silence, with only a few words shared every now and again. Clarke and Lexa lead the group of travelers, each on separate horses, but the other four women share two horses close behind. Despite her desire to crawl in bed and sleep for hours longer, Kara remains vigilant, watching the trees and listening for any sign of danger. The sun is rising once again.

“We’ll be approaching Arkadia in a few minutes,” Lexa calls, looking behind her for a few moments. Kara chuckles to herself at the Commander’s tiny grin; she’s not blind to the flirtatious glances and comments that have occasionally passed between the two women leading the way. Lexa catches her guard’s eye, and the blonde doesn’t even try to hide her knowing smile. With a sheepish look and rosy cheeks (certainly not from the cold), Lexa turns back around.

An uneasiness settles in Kara’s stomach as they approach Clarke’s homeland. The air seems colder, and the sense that something is not right grows stronger the closer they get. There’s an eerie emptiness that grows in the guard’s chest, like something is missing from her. She tries to ignore the way her heart thuds, but the woman resting with her arms around her stomach can sense her discomfort.

“Your heart is racing, Kara,” Lena whispers, only loud enough for Kara to hear. “What is it?”

“Something’s not right,” Kara replies. The sinking feeling grows as they approach the clearing. The gates are in view in the distance, but it is chillingly silent. The peacekeeping army is not in view yet.

A sickening thought makes Kara’s stomach twist, but she pushes it away. She doesn’t want to give the idea even a moment of recognition without some sort of proof to back it up. The dread is ever present, and she fears that she may get that proof after all.

As they round the corner and the clearing comes into view, the gentle words from the two women preceding them come to a screeching halt. The four horses ride just far enough into the clearing to see everything, then the caravan stops in its tracks.

Death. Everywhere Kara looks, there is death.

Death came in holes pouring thick, red liquid, staining the green below.

“Who did this?” Lexa spits. Her voice has transformed from gentle as she spoke to Clarke to thick, heavy, and gravelly as rage fills her. Her eyes are alight as she stares out at the hundreds of bodies surrounding them. 

“We’re going to find out,” Kara growls in return, dismantling from the horse. She takes Lena with her, gently setting her down on the damp ground. The princess follows close on Kara’s heels as she storms toward the gates, and no one tries to stop her.

She’s certain that nothing will, until a quiet, dying voice calls out her name.

“Kara…”

No.

She looks back and searches for Alex’s eyes, but the brunette has already seen what Kara heard. She too leaps off her horse, Maggie close behind, Clarke and Lexa following last. They sprint out into the bodies, trying hard to move quickly without disrupting the dead.

Kara and Alex fall to their knees in the sodden grass. The morning dew soaks through the cloth of Kara’s pants, but it hardly registers. She leans over the cooling, stiffening body of her father in shock. Her fingers trace over the peaceful features of his face in silence. They tremble as they slide down his neck, then his shoulder, then all the way down to the left side of his abdomen. A small hole is still dripping dark red blood, but the gushing is over. All life has dripped out of his body and onto the ground beneath them.

“Jeremiah…”

Kara’s voice quivers, and she feels the emptiness crumbling away to devastation. The only thing that pulls her out of her grief is the realization that the voice that caught her attention in the first place was a female voice. One kind of grief is replaced by another; the grief over the dead is replaced by the grief over the dying.

“Mom,” Alex whispers. Kara takes a moment to prepare herself, then turns her head. Eliza is shot in nearly the same place as Jeremiah, and the flow of blood from the wound is slowing. Alex’s hands are covered in a sickening coat of red, making Kara’s stomach lurch dangerously. She swallows hard, pushing the sensation back. 

Carefully, Kara crawls across the grass to where Alex and Eliza are. From the corner of her eye, she registers Lena and Maggie rushing over while Clarke and Lexa stand in shock. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion; there’s just enough time for Kara to notice the way Lexa reaches out to hold Clarke back. But the blonde is not trying to run to them; she’s trying to run to Arkadia. She looks murderous.

A heartwrenching sob pushes past Alex’s lips, startling Kara out of her observation. She shakily positions herself so that she’s holding Alex while still able to see the woman lying in her sister’s lap. She collapses into Alex, but Alex’s body is still strong enough to hold them both up. 

It’s strange, the guard observes, that the human can hold the super-strong alien, not the other way around. 

“Arkadia s-sends a message,” Eliza stutters. Her voice lacks its usual strength, and Kara’s heart shatters. 

“It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter,” Alex urges, shushing their mother. It doesn’t matter; nothing matters except the three of them there in this moment. 

“Skaikru re… re-”

Eliza’s breath catches in her throat with a sickening gurgle, and when she coughs, blood spouts from her lips. 

“Shhh, shhh…” Kara quiets as comfortingly as she can, willing her own voice to be steady. She traces the sacred symbol, an infinity sign as Alex had called it, around Eliza’s eyes and across the bridge of her nose. She had done the same on frightening nights when Kara and Alex were younger, and everything was new and loud and threatening. It is the most relaxing sensation Kara knows to this day.

The death of a loved one is not like the movies that Alex talked about, nor like the stories that she used to tell. There are no grand declarations of love, no quote-worthy last words. There are no secrets revealed or promises or requests made. Eliza dies gasping for breath as blood drips from her lips. She gasps in once again, but does not exhale. She stills. 

Eliza kom Trikru is dead.

Alex sobs silently for a few seconds, her eyes falling shut and her body convulsing with unheard cries. Kara is stunned. She can’t feel a thing, physically or emotionally; she has gone numb.

It is only when Alex is no longer silent and she lets out a loud, soul-crushing sound that can be described as no less than a wail that Kara snaps out of it. She immediately springs into action, pulling Alex close to her. The older brunette is shaking like a leaf as she grabs at the armor wrapped around Kara’s body, and the guard understands. While holding Alex in one arm, she manages to wrench herself out of her armor. Pale white hands pull the armor out of Kara’s hands - Lena. She can’t afford to think of her love, or she’ll fall apart, too. Right now, Alex needs her as close as possible.

When the armor is off her torso and all that remains is her cloth, long-sleeved shirt, she holds Alex and tries to keep her still as cries wrack her entire frame. She doesn’t realize she’s crying too until she sees her own tears dripping onto Alex’s hair.

* * *

 

Alex stays in her sister’s arms for what feels like an eternity. She doesn’t want to open her eyes yet. She doesn’t want to see what a world without some of the only people who felt like family looks like yet. She will never be ready. Though she knows logically that she has to open her eyes, nothing will ever prepare her for facing that emptiness in her world.

“Alex?”

Her heart stops for a fleeting moment.

A warm, familiar hand tentatively wraps around hers. It trembles, a sensation unfamiliar to the older sister. Maggie has never been one to show fear, but though her eyes are still closed, she knows that Maggie is absolutely terrified.

Her mind flashes back to Jake so many years ago, sitting her down at the kitchen table. He’s got bandages sitting on the table, and an old bloodied one is wrapped around her tiny forearm. 

_ Jake tries to peel the bandage off slowly, but it stings. The adhesive is still very much stuck to her skin, old and battered as the dressing may have been. Alex winces, and Jake immediately stops. He pulls his hand back and sighs, then rests it on Alex’s knee. _

_ “Well kid, looks like we gotta rip it off all at once,” he says. “It’ll hurt like a son of a gun, but for less time than if we peel it off slowly. You ready?” _

_ Alex gulps. She hates this part. Regardless, she nods. _

“Like ripping off a bandaid,” Alex whispers, coming back to the present. She feels Kara tilt her head down in inquiry.

Alex turns her head so that the first thing she will see is Maggie’s hand in hers. Then, in one moment, with no preparation, she opens her eyes.

The first thing she registers is not Maggie’s fingers. The white ink in her wrist is glaring up at her, and suddenly it feels as though it's burning her skin.

Skaikru. Skaikru did this.

In a split second, all of Alex’s devastation turns to rage. She still shakes, but not with weakness. A sick kind of strength courses through her as her adrenaline spikes. Kara can feel the change and tries to tighten her grip, but for once, she is too slow. Alex is on her feet and sprinting toward Clarke before anyone can stop her.

Lexa stands in front of Clarke protectively, and Alex can’t blame her. She knows how this must look, but she will prove the Commander wrong. 

“Alex -” Lexa warns, her voice low and menacing. She attempts to appear so, anyhow - her eyes are damp and her voice wavers.

“Do you know how to get in the gates?” Alex growls. The sound of her own voice leaving her lips startles her, but it does not show. Her anger is stronger than the fear of herself. They will pay. Every single person who had anything to do with this will pay.

Clarke nods. Lexa reaches out, trying to stop her the same way Kara tried to stop Alex, but it is to no avail. 

The next thing Alex registers, she’s inside the gates, and the remnants of the Ark are huge and looming in front of her. Closer yet are hundreds of angry and scared faces, some familiar and some not. She catches sight of two bloodied men with not a single wound on their bodies, and she knows that they are who she’s looking for.

“You!” she snarls. The younger of the two draws his gun and aims it toward her threateningly, but it’s pointless. Alex charges toward him, knocking the firearm out of his hands just as he pulls the trigger. The bullet flies into the air above them, and Alex can only hope that it doesn’t hurt anyone when it falls. The thought passes only for a moment, however, as she wrings her fingers in the fabric of the man’s shirt near his neck, drawing him toward her. He seems stunned at her strength.

“You did this,” Alex snarls again, sounding almost inhuman. “You did this to them! You killed them all!”

She draws back her fist and slams it as hard as she can into the man’s jaw. Blood falls from his lips and a deep purple mark is already beginning to form. He stares at her wide eyed, too shocked to fight back. Alex takes advantage of this and sends her fist into his stomach, now, knocking the air from his lungs. A murderous rage has come over her. 

_ Jus drein jus daun,  _ she thinks, sending a knee into his jaw as he falls to the ground.

“ALEX, STOP!”

Alex’s blood runs cold.

She knows that voice.

Heavy footfalls grow louder as the person runs toward them, then steps between Alex and the offending man. Strong yet soft and familiar hands wrap around her shoulders and push her backward. No one else dares to move.

Clarke is the first to speak after a moment of silence and stillness.

“Mom,” she breathes, stumbling forward next to Alex. 

“Arrest these intruders immediately!” the older of the two men Alex first saw yells, but before anyone can move, Abby is sending a warning glare his direction. She leans over and picks up the younger man’s gun as he struggles to get to his feet.

“If anyone so much as takes a step toward these two women, I will shoot,” she promises. And it is a promise. This is not the same woman that Alex remembers. She is changed; stronger.

After the message is clearly received by the rest of the Arkadians, Abby turns toward Clarke and Alex. She sets the gun down in grabbing range, but places her hands gently back on Alex’s shoulders.

“How… how did you know it was me?” Alex questions, stumbling over her words. She feels like she’s in shock, like nothing around her that’s happening is real. She can hardly register Abby’s eyes scanning her intently.

“I’ve seen that expression on your face before. When you finally got angry for what your father did to you,” she says. The words take Alex aback, and she can’t find anything to respond with. Instead, she stays silent.

The hand on Alex’s left shoulder moves to Clarke’s, and she and Abby share a glance worth more than a thousand words. It is short, though, as their time is limited before someone moves against them despite Abby’s threat.

“You have to leave,” Abby warns. “It's not safe here for you. The only way you'll leave safely from these gates is if you go, now.”

The young man is standing, now, only inches behind Abby. He does not reach for his weapon.

“Please, Clarke,” he begs, stepping toward her and reaching his arm out. Clarke stumbles backward away from his reach, her eyes full of disbelief and disdain.

“Don't… Don't touch me, Bellamy,” she says. Alex makes a mental note to ask about this Bellamy sometime later, but it's not her focus right now. 

Suddenly everyone around them springs into action, eyes wide and weapons raised. Alex whips around to see the other four women standing in the gateway, led by Kara and Lexa. Kara’s face is tear-streaked and her eyes still water, but she looks enraged. She stands right next to Lexa, whose arms are crossed behind her back. Her emerald eyes are cold and empty as they meet Alex’s.

“Osir souda bants, nau,” Lexa calls to Alex and Clarke.  _ We must leave, now. _

Alex looks back to Abby, whose hand has still not left her shoulder. It is warm and soft, and suddenly it feels like it’s all she has left. Her parents, all of them, are dead. All but her.

“May we meet again,” Abby whispers, her voice thick and emotional, as her eyes dart between her daughter and her daughter’s best friend. Neither Clarke nor Alex find it in them to speak, and instead give slow and meaningful nods and urgent glances in return.

With great, great reluctance, the two of them turn away from Abby and trudge toward the Commander and their friends. Alex meets Maggie’s eyes, and she can only hope that they make it out of the gates before her emotions swallow her whole once again.

* * *

 

The day passes slowly and agonizingly. Not a morsel of food is eaten. Every hour until dark is spent paying respect to each individual fallen warrior, and Lexa’s throat feels hoarse and dry by the time the end of the night arrives. 

Clarke has been escorted to her own tent for the evening. The tension, as much as they all try to ignore it, is there. Lexa is certain that none of their group of close friends want to feel tense or angry toward Clarke, but it’s proving difficult not to. She is Skaikru through and through, and it was her people that did this. Worse yet, the blonde has managed to convince Lexa not to lay waste to Arkadia in reparation for the 300 warriors her people killed in those fields. She agreed to not even lay a hand on Bellamy Blake or Charles Pike, despite the two of them being the lead of the attack. Lexa hopes to herself that time will ease the tension and that soon, her close friends will understand why. Just this once, jus drein nou jus daun. 

As soon as Clarke is out of the tent, Lexa becomes very aware that soon will not include this night. Not even the swords she wears on her back could cut through the tension in the room. Not even lovers stand next to each other, and Lexa’s own guard stands on the other side of the room, not meeting her eyes.

The Commander has never felt so weak.

“You’re angry,” she states simply, hating the way her voice sounds so small. She straightens her back and folds her arms behind her. It is a feeble attempt to appear stronger, but she knows her friends see right through her facade. Still, their anger does not relent.

“Would you have me start a war?” she asks, pleading that her friends see reason. “And risk more casualties of our own people?”

The tent is deafeningly silent.

Finally, Kara speaks.

“It’s not about revenge,” she says cooly. “You know for years I’ve begged for us to stop killing people mindlessly and instead find other ways for peace.”

Though her words reassure Lexa that at least Kara isn’t against her decision not to strike back, the venom with which she says them does not provide much comfort. The Commander remains silent, waiting for the rest of Kara’s thoughts to spill forth from her.

“I remember flying away from Krypton as it exploded into millions of pieces, knowing that my mother and my father and my aunt were still there, being burnt alive,” Kara continues. She stands straighter now, and takes a step toward Lexa. The power in the room has shifted, and everyone around them senses that.

“Alex flew away from the Ark and left her family, biological and not, behind, thinking she would never see them again.”

“Kara…” Alex whispers from her place just a few feet away from her sister. She sounds exhausted, too weary to fight.

“No, Alex,” Kara retorts. She isn’t going to back down. Lexa swallows hard, keeping her face as stoic as she can. She can take this. Kara continues to step toward her, but Lexa lets her. She stands still.

“And now, our parents are dead again.”

The blonde is a mere foot away from Lexa now. She opens her mouth to say something, but her lips tremble, and she closes them. Her eyes dart between Lexa’s emerald greens. With a twinge of fear, the Commander notices the way they’re beginning to glow. She says a silent prayer to the spirits of the past Commanders, hoping that she will be given the time to repair what has been done to her closest friends.

Yet, no physical injury the Kryptonian could inflict could have hurt half as much as the words she speaks next.

“You made us lose them  _ again _ .”

Kara’s voice breaks on her last word, and tears fill her eyes. They are angry, devastated tears, and her breathing begins to accelerate. Lexa knows that she can hear the thudding of her heart, but she can’t move. She won’t.

“You let two of the few people that we love die,” Kara begins, raising her voice. “You sent them here and you let them die!”

Lexa’s eyes burn, but she refuses to cry. She has no right.

“How could you do that?” Kara yells. She’s in Lexa’s face now, but the Commander is unwavering. She stays expressionless and silent externally, but her emotions are swelling inside her almost too much for her to push them down. Still, she does. “How could you send them out there and let them die?”

“I had no idea this would hap- “

“TELL ME!”

Kara is screaming now, and the tears that were welling in her eyes have begun to stream down her cheeks. Her breath is hot against Lexa’s face.

“Kara, you know I would never do this inten- “

Everything happens so fast. Kara lets out an animalistic yell and charges at Lexa, pushing her against one of the poles holding up the tent with unimaginable strength. Luckily it isn’t a crucial one, so when it crumbles and they fall to the hard, cold ground, the tent doesn’t collapse. The sudden impact takes the wind out of Lexa, and she starts seeing black around the edges of her vision.

“KARA, NO!” someone screams - Maggie, the Commander realizes. She pulls Kara off of her, using all the strength she has to wrap her arms around Kara’s and hold her back.

“Don’t you dare touch my sister!” Alex growls protectively. Despite being unable to breathe, Lexa forces herself to her feet. She stumbles forward, trying to stand between Alex and Maggie.

“Please…” she breathes, but she can hardly hear her own voice. Alex tugs at Maggie’s arms, and Lexa can’t even fathom how people who love each other so much are suddenly becoming so violent. She tries to breathe in, to say something that will bring order back to the tent, but her lungs fail her. Maggie cries out in pain as Alex tugs a little too hard, and for a moment Lexa wonders if someone’s going to get seriously injured. If she could just get in enough air…

“ENOUGH!”

A voice unheard for the entire night rings out, shrill and urgent. Everyone stops in their tracks, unable to move for a moment. 

“Let go,” Lena pleads. Maggie releases Kara, who stumbles toward Lexa, and Alex releases her grip on Maggie’s arms. Lexa can see the precise moment where Alex realizes that she might have hurt Maggie, and then the moment where the anger turns to sadness and regret.

Strong hands pull Lexa upward, and though it’s incredibly painful, she can finally get air into her lungs. She gasps and chokes against the sudden intake of oxygen, but Kara does not let go - they stand there, and everyone in the tent stays silent until the Commander can breathe again.

Finally, Lexa stands straight on her own, but she still can’t find the courage to look up and meet the eyes of her friends. She feels weaker yet.

“We must return to Polis tomorrow,” she says quietly, her voice hoarse and almost inaudible. “There’s nothing left for us here.”

There’s a quiet sniffle next to Lexa, and without thought, the Commander looks up. Kara’s anger is gone. The ferocity of the warrior she was raised to be is stripped away, and standing next to Lexa is a young weeping woman who just lost her family for a second time.

All at once, the still and cold room comes to life, filling with a sort of aching warmth. The space between them all disappears as Lena, Maggie, and Alex crowd around Lexa and Kara. Their arms encircle and embrace one another, something that Alex had called a “group hug” once before. They bow their heads and close their eyes. The only sounds in the tent are soft cries coming from each of them. Though the most powerful people that Polis and the Twelve Clans have ever known all stand together in one tent, not one of them are strong as the weight of the day crashes against them. 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers, tasting salt as droplets slide onto her lips as she speaks. “I’m so sorry.”

They don’t speak for the rest of the night, nor do they sleep. When Clarke arrives with tear-stained cheeks just before sunrise, they simply lead her outside and face away from the field, then watch the sky change colors in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all the amazing feedback, thank you so much!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long break! Life is crazy right now, finishing up my senior year. This "chapter" is more just a scene, but I wanted to upload something for now. I'm aiming to have the rest of the chapter up by the end of the week, but definitely by the end of the month. (I know... bear with me. School ends on the 26th, so I should have plenty more time after that). Regardless, I hope you enjoy this fluff!

Lena’s eyes slowly open, her eyelids heavy with sleep. The weight in the bed has suddenly been halved, she realizes, and not-so-quiet footsteps have woken her from her restless slumber. The more conscious she becomes, the more she can feel the heaviness and exhaustion in her limbs. It is almost as if she’s tethered to the mattress, unable to move.

Still, though, her curiosity gets the best of her. She forces herself into a sitting position, stifling a groan at the sensation, and cranes her neck toward the source of the sound that woke her.

Kara stands on the long balcony that they share with Alex and Maggie. She leans on the stone railing, and her face is turned upward toward the moon. It’s shockingly bright tonight, illuminating the entire sky. The stars twinkle beautifully around it. For a moment, Lena is frozen, taken aback by the breathtaking scene before her.

Concern kicks in moments later, and she stands gingerly, wincing as her aching feet touch the hard ground. She hobbles at a slow and steady pace out to the balcony where her love still stands.

“Niron?”

Kara jerks, the sudden sound startling her. Normally, the Kryptonian would have heard Lena shuffling in the bed behind her, even if she had flown out miles away. However, the day before had taken those powers away. Just after returning from Arkadia, the two of them walked out into the forest surrounding Polis for some privacy to allow Kara to fully grieve. Lena had asked if the blonde wanted to do so alone, but she was reluctant; she feared what she might do without someone to keep her in line. So, Lena stayed, simply standing by with heartbreaking as she watched Kara grieve. The blonde screamed and sobbed into the open air, and burnt a hole into the ground with her heat vision so deep that Lena wondered if they might see the Earth’s crust if they looked down. There was no time to investigate, however, for suddenly the heat vision pittered out and Kara collapsed onto the earth. Lena carried her home, sending deathly glares at anyone who dared even to send a questioning glance their way.

“Not used to not being able to hear you,” Kara mutters, pushing herself into a standing position. She groans softly, then hums as Lena slips her arms around her torso from behind. Kara leans backward, eyes falling shut as she allows Lena to support her weight slightly. Lena bites her cheek, willing herself not to show how much she aches. Kara has supported her endlessly; now, she will do the same, no matter what cost may come to her.

“I’m sorry I frightened you,” Lena whispers, placing a soft kiss to her love’s temple. “What are you doing out here? You need rest.”

“I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep,” Kara admits, sighing. She nuzzles further into Lena yet, bringing a genuine small smile to the raven haired woman’s lips. “I think my body hurts too much for me to sleep.”

“Is that all that’s keeping you up?” Lena asks. She looks past the blonde hair in front of her and admires the view. The city of Polis is quiet and still, and it’s almost serene save for the heaviness still lingering in their hearts from the past days.

Kara doesn’t respond, and Lena figures that her lack of response is the only answer she needs. An idea comes to mind, one that may help them both, and she gently shifts so that she can slide an arm under Kara’s shoulders.

“What are you…” Kara questions, her voice trailing off. She silences, not protesting as Lena helps them both stumble toward the washroom. The ache and heaviness is slowly wearing off the more they move, but they can’t completely escape it. It will take at least another day for it to heal to a reasonable level that will allow them to function properly again.

Lena gently lowers Kara onto the toilet, and they both grimace as their tight leg muscles pull when they bend down. Kara watches in silence as Lena then turns toward the massive, pearly white bathtub that sits in the center of the washroom. She turns the knob for hot water to the left, then lets the liquid run over her fingers until it feels nearly scalding on her skin. The plug is placed in the drain to allow the tub to fill, and Lena saunters back over to Kara.

“The heat is a wonderful remedy for your aching muscles,” she tells the Kryptonian as she falls to her knees slowly in front of her. She reaches out and hooks her fingers beneath the fabric of Kara’s oversized, long-sleeved shirt, gently pulling it over her head with as little movement from Kara as possible. The blonde wears no bindings on her chest, so she is clad in only her undershorts. Using the toilet for support, she pushes herself upward into a standing position again, allowing Lena to help her out of those as well. Lena takes the opportunity to press gentle kisses to the blonde’s hipbones and navel, then trails the kisses upward as she stands until she reaches Kara’s lips. She’s pleased to feel the smile she’s met with when she arrives. The heaviness in her heart is slowly beginning to fade, even if just for the moment, and is replaced with gratitude instead.

“You’re too kind to me,” Kara says quietly, almost bashfully. Lena grins, truly grins, and shakes her head.

“I’m merely loving you as I should,” she replies certainly. Kara’s eyes fall shut for a moment in content, and she leans forward to rest her head on Lena’s chest.

“Do you need help, too?” she asks, thumbing the fabric at the bottom of Lena’s shirt. The princess shakes her head. Kara could hardly lift her hands enough for Lena to remove her shirt; there’s no way she’ll allow the blonde to attempt to remove Lena’s. Instead, in a few remarkably swift motions, Lena sheds her clothes until she is bare.

Silently and carefully, they walk over to the quickly filling tub and lean against it, waiting for the water to nearly reach the edge. When the level is just right, Lena steps in first, nearly moaning in ecstasy when the hot water touches her skin. She helps Kara in next, and they lower themselves into the steaming water, finally settling against the opposite end of the faucet. Kara again allows herself to be wrapped in Lena’s arms, and she closes her eyes. Lena soon follows suit.

They stay this way for a few minutes, eyes shut and absolutely silent, listening only to the occasional ripple of the water or the wind blowing from the still open balcony doors. The water seeps into their skin and to the deepest layer of their muscles, easing the ache that had crippled them before.

“This almost makes being in pain worth it,” Kara mutters eventually, and Lena is surprised when she feels laughter bubbling from her chest. It’s short and quiet, but it is laughter all the same. The lightness feels strange in light of recent events. Still, she allows it.

“Rao, I love hearing you laugh,” Kara whispers, affection dripping from her voice. It makes Lena’s heart suddenly flutter, and the intense love she feels hits her without warning. It seizes in her chest, making it hard to breathe for a passing moment.

It is moments like this that the raven haired woman feels bare, stripped down to the most vulnerable of her emotions. Her defenses come down, and her strength crumbles to uncertainty and need. Though love still fills every crevice of her heart, she feels that vulnerability seeping in, too.

A few moments of silence pass, and sudden tears spring to Lena’s eyes. They don’t fall, but she can hear them in her own voice.

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” she asks quietly, and she’s not talking about physically. Their bodies will heal in only a few days time. No, she’s talking about the inside. The loss and the fear and the attempt to grapple with the changes that have been thrust upon them as of late. It’s a lot to bear. Though this life is nearly always a lot to bear for them, this is more than either of them are used to. Lena feels as though she’s slipping, barely holding on.

“Sha, ai niron,” Kara replies softly, turning her head to press her lips to Lena’s collarbone. They linger for a moment, then she speaks again. “We will be okay.”

There’s a sudden ripple in the water, and Lena feels fingers linking with hers as tightly as possible. _Yes,_ she thinks, _they will be okay._

They don’t leave the water until it goes cold, and they fall into bed immediately after. Lena can only hope that they might get to sleep a few hours before some new tragedy comes their way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I just caught up on the two most recent episodes of The 100. Literally the saddest episodes I've ever seen in my life. The song that was played during a certain depressing scene is what I listened to while writing this. "Through the Eyes of a Child" by Aurora is a wonderful soundtrack for this chapter.
> 
> This one is a little rough, but I hope it's still enjoyable!

The morning finally comes, and though Kara feels what it’s like to wake up exhausted for the first time, she’s grateful for the scant hours of sleep she was able to get. Lena’s idea to slip into the hot water when they woke in the wee hours of the night was a grand one. Tired as she may be, her body does not ache half as much. Still, as they stroll silently toward the Commander’s quarters, Lena supports some of Kara’s weight to make the hurt lessen further yet.

When they arrive, the rest of their usual squadron is already there, all in their usual positions save for Alex. Instead of standing behind the chair Maggie sits in, she’s leaning against it between Maggie’s legs. The Fleimkeppa runs her fingers through Alex’s tangled, matted hair as gently as possible. Clarke and Lexa watch on in silence as Kara and Lena take their place on the couch. 

Deciding that Lena has pampered enough, Kara envelops Lena in her arms despite the woman’s silent protests. Lena tries to persuade them into a different position, but with what little strength she does have, Kara keeps them still. Lena eventually gives, allowing herself to be held as she nuzzles her head beneath Kara’s neck.

Only once everyone is situated does anyone speak up about the intentions of the called meeting. (“Called” usually meant quite literally called; Lexa need only speak her desires to meet in the quarters, and Kara was able to hear. Today, however, a guard was sent to fetch them, as Kara’s hearing was only slightly above the human average.)

“First… how is everyone holding up?” Lexa asks, looking around the room. She’s not really one to be asking, seeing as it appears she and Clarke haven’t slept a wink. Her voice is hoarse, as well, making Kara wonder if the two had spent the entire night talking about recent events. It would not come as a surprise if that were true.

“Managing,” Alex replies, rubbing her eyes. They are red and bloodshot, and rubbing them does not improve their condition at all. “You?”

Lexa only sighs in response.

There’s a beat or two of silence, then it is Clarke who speaks next. Her voice, too, is scratchy and thin, as though overused without proper rest. She sounds as exhausted as Kara feels, and the Kryptonian makes a note to recommend they all try to rest at some point in the day if life will allow them to. Judging by the current state of things and the still-fresh recent events, the idea of rest seems more a fantasy than anything.

“I’ve thought a lot,” Clarke begins, “about what happened a few days ago.”

Kara feels herself stiffen, and her heart flutters uncomfortably. Lena notices instantly and runs her thumb gently across Kara’s arm, attempting to soothe her.

“What about it?” Alex asks. She doesn’t mean to be, surely she doesn’t, but she sounds somewhat cold and resentful. 

Clarke, however, doesn’t flinch. “The way we chose, or rather I encouraged, that we don’t retaliate.”

It seems as though everyone in the room takes a simultaneous deep breath in response. The anger about what happened has been bubbling beneath the surface for days, masked only by the exhaustion of grief and lack of sleep. Not a word had been said about it until now, and the anger threatens to boil again. Kara watches Alex’s ears turn red, then studies her eyes for a moment. They do not water, nor does that familiar shade of pink creep into her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Her anger outweighs her sadness in this moment.

“And what have you thought?” Lena asks, trying to keep her voice steady and void of emotion. She lifts her chin slightly, inviting Clarke to continue. The blonde clears her throat and shifts slightly in her seat. Nearby, Lexa looks toward her with a look in her eye that Kara can’t quite identify. Pride? Encouragement? Perhaps, Kara thinks, a mixture a both.

“That it was mistake. To not retaliate.”

The room falls hush. She’s surely gotten everyone’s attention. All eyes are on Clarke, now, staring expectantly at the blonde.

“The two people at the lead of the attack were Bellamy Blake and Charles Pike. They caused the most damage,” she says. She seems unsteady, and unsure. Kara had seen the way she talked to Bellamy, and the way he looked at her. It wasn’t romance that she saw, but a bond just as a deep. They meant something to each other, and it is clear to Kara that Clarke has struggled hard with wrapping her head around what he did. Despite the cruelty of life, she seems to always assume the best in people. Kara has watched the blonde’s heart break several times over when she realized that there is bad in everyone, too.

“What are you suggesting?” Maggie asks, raising an eyebrow. She sits up slightly and straightens her back. 

“Jus drein jus daun,” Clarke replies quietly, sadly. “But only those two. Just Bellamy and Pike.”

Lena and Kara sit up now, the weight of what Clarke is insinuating too heavy on their chests to lie down anymore. Kara’s heart aches now, too, in addition to the rest of her body. She has watched Clarke kill someone that she clearly loved once before; now, it seems she’s going to do it again.

“You don’t have to do this,” Alex assures. She moves as though she wants to approach Clarke, but refrains. “The decision has already been made and announced to the people. We can handle the repercussions.”

“I do, Alex,” Clarke says, leaning forward and supporting her arms on her knees. She stares down at the floor somberly. “I do.”

A mournful and desolate air settles about the room, so thick that it feels hard to breathe. No one can manage to meet each other’s eyes. The six women stare down at the cold ground in silence, not knowing what to say next. Kara looks to her right at Lena, and she is met with a look that expresses the same sadness she feels within herself.

“What of Octavia? Bellamy’s kin?” Lexa asks after a few minutes of heavy silence. They all look up, now, perplexed by this new variable. Kara had not remembered that Bellamy Blake had a sibling. Now, however, she can picture the woman: a warrior in her own right, with one of the strongest hearts Kara’s ever known. Skaikru by blood, but she had earned her place and deserved the title of Trikru as well.

With most opportune, almost unrealistic timing, the very woman in question storms through the doors of the Commander’s quarters. Guards follow close behind, bleeding and bruised, presumably by Octavia on her way in. Everyone is on their feet instantly, weaponless but hands raised. Octavia looks infuriated, but her eyes are full to the brim with tears not yet shed. They are not the first of her tears, however, as Kara can see tracks running down her rosy cheeks. Kara’s heart thuds as she realizes she recognizes that look. 

“Ai no na bash yu op,” Octavia announces, raising her hands. Her voice is strong, yet faltering at the same time. It is strained and gravelly with emotion. “Ai no na bash yu op.”

The guards go still, and Lexa waves them away. They comply immediately, wiping at their bleeding faces as they leave. The defenses come down as everyone in the room lowers their hands, no longer prepared to fight.

“Octavia, what’s going on?” Clarke asks, voice laden with genuine concern. She steps toward Octavia cautiously, as though prepared for the woman to back away. She does, slightly, clearly still angry with Clarke for not being around. However, whatever troubles her seems stronger than her anger. She lets Clarke come closer as her resolve begins to crumble.

“I want them dead. I want them both dead,” she says, stuttering and repeating herself. She begins to gasp for air, her words becoming less and less intelligible until she shatters, falling to her knees. Her face contorts as her brows turn upward, the tears in her eyes falling down her cheeks as she shakes with unheard cries. She bows her head, and her eyes fall shut.

Clarke wraps Octavia in her arms without hesitation. Kara isn’t sure whether it’s wishful thinking or her still above average abilities, but she believes she can hear the very faint and accelerating pound of Clarke’s heart. The blonde looks up at the other women in the room, fear evident in her eyes.

It takes several minutes of heartwrenching, awful cries that hit far too close to home before Octavia can collect herself enough to explain what has happened. The furniture in the room is forgotten; they sit on the floor, now, crosslegged or leaning on their knees for support. The only sounds for a few more moments are pitiful sniffles from Octavia and unsteady breaths from everyone else around her. Kara notices the way Octavia’s breakdown has rattled Alex. Her sister looks as though she’s about to burst into tears, herself, and her hands tremble in her lap. The Kryptonian makes a note to give Alex a slightly longer hug than usual when time allows. 

“What happened?” Clarke finally asks, retracting her hand from where it was resting on Octavia’s shoulder. The warrior looks so meek and small, and the sight makes Kara’s heart ache. 

“They killed Lincoln,” Octavia spits simply, seeming to struggle to even get the words out. “Bellamy and Pike. They killed him.”

Kara feels her blood run cold. She knows Lincoln well. His heart has always been pure and good despite the evils of the world they live in, and he never let anything turn him into a monster. His days under the influence of the Red haunt him even still. 

Or they did, rather. He does not bear that burden anymore.

“Why?” Lena asks breathlessly, shock evident in her features. Before Octavia can begin to force herself to answer, Lexa speaks. She is the Commander through and through; any trace of mercy is all but gone. Her jaw is set tight, her eyes narrow and iced over as she responds.

“It doesn’t matter why,” she says. “Our next move is clear.”

Kara feels her heart speeding up. She never liked to kill; Maggie always did that part. Kara’s job has always been guarding Lexa and keeping those who wish ill on her away, and nothing more. She silently prays that despite the severity of the situation, she will not be asked to commit such a haunting, permanent act.

“When do we leave for Arkadia?” Octavia asks. Her voice drips with venom, and her eyes darken as she looks up to meet Lexa’s eyes.

“In one hour,” Lexa responds. “But allow me to make myself clear first.”

All eyes in the room turn to the Commander as she stands, crossing her arms behind her straightened back. Her lips are pursed into a fine line, and her face is hardened and stoic. As if by unspoken understanding, the other six women follow suit. Though they all radiate power and strength, Lexa’s undeniably presides. 

“We will not so much as scratch another member of Skaikru unless it is out of self defense. There will be zero unnecessary casualties today unless there are no other options. Is that understood?”

“Sha, Heda,” the women chorus back. Kara takes a deep, steadying breath. Every part of her body aches, and the day is not going to get any easier. For the first time, she prays to Rao and anyone else who might be listening for strength. She will need it to make it through the next days. Though she has lost her powers, it is not the reason that she feels so weak.

After a few moments pass to allow the orders to sink in, Lexa speaks again. 

“Good,” she affirms, taking a deep breath of her own before continuing. “Pack only what is necessary for travel and weaponry. We will meet in front of the tower in one hour.”

With curt nods, they leave, heading off to prepare for the events soon to come.

\------

The trip to Arkadia lacks all signs of the cheerfulness they had felt on their last trip toward the camp. For hours on end, the only words spoken are those absolutely necessary. They hardly eat, certainly not enough to keep them going. Though they have not slept nearly enough, they don’t stop to rest for even a moment.

Kara feels her stomach lurch uncomfortably as they pass the field where the massacre occurred just days ago, and she swallows hard. The taste of bile rises in her throat as she does her best to avoid looking at the grassy plains. Somehow, they are void of any remnants of the hundreds of warriors that died there. Kara decides she doesn’t want to know what happened to them, and instead focuses her attention forward. She trains her eyes on the steel gates of Arkadia, her view obscured only by Lexa and Clarke who ride ahead. They share one horse, now, and Clarke rests her head against Lexa’s back. Kara watches as the younger blonde’s eyes water slightly, then close for a moment.

The gates open before any of them have time to announce their presence. The giant pieces of steel creak and groan loudly as two muscular men pull them backward, revealing familiar faces. Charles Pike and Bellamy Blake lead the way, followed by Marcus Kane and Abby Griffin. Younger people crowd behind them, and Kara assumes they’re friends of Clarke and Octavia. Their eyes are full of concern, and they bear no anger that Kara can pick up on.

“You are not welcome here. You need to leave, now,” Pike calls up at them. The women rear their horses to a stop, then slowly climb off. Kara can only hope that no one notices her lack of strength as she struggles off the horse. Lena helps her, lifting her slightly and setting her down. She is much stronger than the Kryptonian realized, or ever had a chance to realize.

It is only with a second look at the two men at the head of the group that Kara notices the guns they bear. 

“Give us Lincoln’s body,” Clarke says, the first of their group to speak. It is more a command than a statement, and her tone makes that very clear.

“You are in no position to be making demands, Clarke,” Pike replies. His finger moves ever so slightly from behind the trigger to on top of it. Kara steps forward with Lena close behind, feeling a renewed strength surging through her. Not her powers, but a certainty that she won’t allow any of her people to be injured at his hand.

“Lincoln’s body or yours,” Octavia snarls, stepping forward. She stands at the front of the group now, closing more of the distance between herself and Pike. Bellamy looks to her silently with pleading eyes.  _ Don’t do this. _

“That is a threat, Octavia,” Pike warns, raising his voice. The gun in his hands comes up slightly, and he’s not far off pointing it at the warrior. “I have every right to shoot you down right now.”

“Pike -” Bellamy attempts, but a glare out of the side of Pike’s eye is all it takes to silence him. Kara can’t begin to fathom how he could allow this when his flesh and blood is on the line. Kara is not a murderer, but for Alex’s life, she would murder an entire army.

“We are not here to kill mercilessly,” Lexa announces, looking up to the entire crowd. Nearly the whole population of the camp surrounds them, now, but they keep their distance. “Only three bodies will leave this camp today.”

Murmurs begin to sound, but Lexa raises her hand. Though she is not their Commander, the effect of the action seems to be universal; the area falls hush once again. Abby and Kane step closer, now, concern in their eyes. Kara is fairly certain that Abby and Clarke lock gazes, but only for a moment.

“What three bodies are those?” Pike asks. His gun is raised now, pointed directly at Octavia. Bellamy grips his weapon, attempting to lift it, but failing. He can’t bring himself to aim a weapon at his sister.

Octavia is void of emotion and fearless. She walks straight to the barrel of the gun and lets it press against her sternum. Pike seems taken aback, as the finger on the trigger does not so much as twitch. He simply stares intensely into Octavia’s eyes, and she stares right back. Kara’s heart is pounding; Octavia could die in seconds if he pulls that trigger. The tension is rising, so thick that Kara feels like she’s suffocating.

“Lincoln’s, yours, and Bellamy’s.”

Kara is speaking before anyone has time to react.

“If anyone takes even a step forward, I will vaporize them before their foot even hits the ground.”

The Kryptonian can only hope that no one will move against her and realize that she does not have the ability to follow through on that threat.

By the grace of Rao, the threat is strong enough that no one moves. Abby and Marcus are clearly troubled. From what Kara has gathered, they both are much like Clarke. They always try to see the good in others, and give them infinite second chances even when they’ve done nothing to deserve them. For a moment, Kara feels regretful. Not for the lives of Bellamy and Pike, but for the way their deaths may affect those around them.

“Place your weapons on the ground,” Lexa commands. “All of them.”

Pike and Bellamy look to Octavia, their eyes begging for mercy, but there is none to be found. Kara, Lena, Alex, and Maggie watch on helplessly. The worst part of what they have to do is when it becomes personal. When the face staring back at them is not a stranger or a nameless warrior.

When Octavia doesn’t even blink in response to their pleading stares, Kara watches Pike’’s expression wash over with resignation. Bellamy, however, is not ready to give in.

“Octavia, please don’t do this,” he grovels. “Please.”

In one move, Octavia kicks her leg behind him and knocks his knees out from under him, and he falls to the ground. She reaches for the pistol that is holstered in his belt. In less than five seconds, Bellamy is staring into the barrel of a gun that his sister is aiming straight at him.

Marcus takes a step, but not toward them. He turns away, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. Kara has seen things that have caused her to fall to her knees and sob, but none of those moments compare to this one. The sadness filling every inch of her is so deep, and so strong, that she can’t even cry.

The Blake siblings stand in this position for what feels like an eternity, but Octavia doesn’t pull the trigger. Her arm is beginning to tremble, and as Kara gingerly steps forward, she sees tears streaming down the warrior woman’s face. Her lip quivers unsteadily. A quick glance down reveals the way Bellamy’s eyes are filling with tears of his own.

“I don’t want this to haunt you,” Bellamy whispers. “Please. Not you.”

A lump rises in Kara’s throat as she realizes that Bellamy is no longer begging for mercy for himself. Now, he’s begging for mercy on his sister. 

“I’ll do it.”

Alex’s voice is jarring and unexpected. Kara whips around, brow furrowed in disbelief, and she meets Alex’s eyes. Her sister’s nose and cheeks are a bright red, and her eyes glossy. Her eyebrows turn upward slightly, and her breathing is shallow, but she makes no sound.

Silently, she walks past Kara, Lena, Clarke, and Lexa, her feet seeming to drag with each step. She stops when she stands next to Octavia, who has not moved an inch. The younger woman’s entire body is trembling, and tears are flowing freely down her cheeks, faster than before. Alex gingerly takes the pistol out of Octavia’s hand, and the warrior collapses into Kara. Kara is just quick enough to catch her and hold her up as she lets out a singular sob before silencing herself. She stifles her cries, but still allows Kara to support her. A sudden hand rests on the small of Kara’s back, now, and the blonde needn’t turn around to guess who it belongs to. She figures she must have looked as though she needed a bit of support, too. 

The entirety of the camp is deafeningly silent. No one tries to move against Alex. Even Pike stays resigned, falling to his knees in the mud beneath them. He lays down his weapon willingly, even ensuring that the safety is switched on, and nudges it away from him. Then, he removes his pistol from the belt around his waist and wraps his hand around the barrel. He hands it to Clarke, the barrel pointed straight at him. Clarke takes the weapon, her jaw set and lips pursed despite the mistiness of her own eyes. 

In the strangest way, it is comforting to know that enough morality and conscience remains to make taking another life to be difficult. If anyone deserves this, it is these men, and yet not one person is finding this easy. 

It seems as though everyone in the camp takes a collective moment of silence before the act is committed. Kara takes this moment to observe everyone around her. Alex and Clarke are staring directly into the eyes of Bellamy and Pike. Alex appears filled with remorse, with only a tinge of anger behind it. The tears in Clarke’s eyes, however, show something else; grief, but not for Pike. Taking his life is not easy for her, Kara can see this, but in no way does that fact take away her hatred for him and what he’s done. The hatred within Kara’s own heart feels as though it is tainting all that is good in her, though she knows that he deserves it. 

The Kryptonian scans the rest of the crowd. There is a certain sadness that each person watching seems to share. It is heavy on their features; it’s almost as though they’ve aged years standing here. 

“We take these lives as penance for the lives they took,” Lexa says, her voice raised so all can hear. “You have my word that we will take none but theirs. There is nothing to gain from needless bloodshed.”

It seems as though this is the cue to finally pull the triggers. Alex and Clarke raise them slowly, aiming them right between the two men’s eyes. Alex lets out a shuddering breath. Her hands shake as she grips the pistol so tightly that her knuckles are white. 

Bellamy turns his head toward Octavia and Kara, and a few more stray tears slip down his cheeks. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. Kara watches his eyes move slowly, and she fears she will break when she realizes what he’s doing. Though it’s very possible he is the one who fired the shots that killed her parents, her heart still breaks in two as she watches the older man memorize every detail of his sister’s face for the last time. 

“Close your eyes,” he whispers brokenly. It is one last attempt to protect Octavia.

Octavia shakes her head, another sob pushing past her lips. Words tumble from her mouth quickly, like sand slipping through the crack of an hourglass.

“I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done,” she begins, “but you’re still my brother.”

Bellamy takes a deep breath and nods. Those words are enough. They have to be.

“May we meet again,” he murmurs, barely audible. Before Octavia can respond, he turns his face back to Alex. As Kara looks over at her sister, she can see the way Bellamy’s words have struck a chord in the brunette’s heart. She takes in another shuddering breath, and tears slip down her cheeks now. She does not wipe them away.

Pike turns his head away from the barrel, and Octavia breaks free from Kara’s grasp. She doesn’t go far, however; she doesn’t even take a step. The sadness in her disappears for a moment, and it is replaced by the rage that reminds Kara why they’re doing this in the first place.

“Don’t you dare look away from the barrel,” she growls, her voice still strained. “You do not deserve that peace.”

At first, Pike doesn’t move, and remains staring at the ground next to him. With a great deal of reluctance, however, he finally turns his head, looking straight at the barrel once again.

“I’m sorry for what I had to do, Octavia,” he says, though he stares up at Clarke. Octavia scoffs, her eyes watering once again.

“Sorry doesn’t bring them back,” she spits. 

The word “them” finally brings tears to Kara’s eyes. The image of her mother and father lying dead in the grass just feet away is fresh in her mind once more. A mixture of rage and devastation boils in her chest, now, and this moment can’t end fast enough.

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Clarke says. Her voice is steady, now.

She does not waver as she pulls the trigger, and Pike’s body falls to the sodden ground. A pool of red begins to form instantly. No one in the crowd seems to even flinch. Kara isn’t sure that Bellamy even blinks. He stares straight up into the barrel, stoic. All the attention in the camp turns to him and Alex.

The next few moments are some of the worst of Kara’s life.

“Yu gonplei ste odon, Belomi kom Skaikru,” Alex announces, trying hard to keep her voice steady. Octavia is trembling again, and Kara wraps her own shaking hand around the warrior’s arm discreetly. 

“Close your eyes,” Octavia whispers.

Bellamy Blake closes his eyes for the last time, and a shot rings out through the silence. It echoes infinitely, making the moment feel as though it will last forever.

The only sound is that of sobs pushing their way out of Octavia’s throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally they got what they deserved. This story is wrapping up. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, but I ensure it will be better than this one!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that this took so long! I was in a rut for a while, but I think I've broken through it. There will be about two more chapters in this story, possibly only one, possibly four... who knows. Anyway... I do hope that this chapter is worth the wait, despite how sad it is. Enjoy!

Things do not get better as the next few days pass. The deaths of Bellamy and Pike are not enough for the clans. The way that they have lived and the value of penance is deeply seeded in their minds, thus they demand more. The threat against Skaikru’s safety is becoming more and more real, and Lexa doesn’t know how to keep up with it. She doesn’t know how to protect them, and a small part of her doesn’t even know if she wants to. Still, she tries to listen to the better part of her that is still trying to protect them. The ideas of how to do so, however, are wearing thin. The hunger of the clans will not ebb, nor will the gnawing desire to claim further penance for the crimes committed.

Lexa, Alex, Kara, Maggie, and Lena are gathered in the Commander’s quarters, some pacing and some sitting in silence as they try to come up with a viable plan that satisfies all. Lexa herself sits on the edge of her bed, elbows resting on her knees as her fists support her chin. She glances out her peripherals and notices with disdain that the beginnings of twilight illuminate the sky. Yet another sleepless night has passed them by.

“Confine them,” Lena blurts, startling the Commander. All eyes turn to the raven haired woman, whose bloodshot eyes are dark and sunken from exhaustion. 

“How?” Alex asks, turning her body in Lena’s direction. Lexa stands from her place on her bed and makes her way to the couches and chairs, taking her usual seat. They all sit, now, awaiting Lena’s explanation.

“Even with Pike and Bellamy dead, some of Pike’s most loyal followers are still invading Grounder villages,” she says, grimacing. The results of said invasions had been dastardly: so many resources taken, and so many lives lost. “We must find a way to keep them within the confines of Arkadia.”

“I don’t suppose there’s a way to do so peacefully,” Lexa mutters, sounding almost defeated. She feels a sort of sadness settling heavy on her chest. A feeling of loss is already creeping in, but she ignores it.

“No,” Lena admits softly. “There is no way to build a physical confinement, of course. The only method I can come up with…”

She trails off, her eyes falling to her lap. Clearly, she doesn’t want to resort to the solution that’s staring them all in the face. 

“A kill order,” Lexa finishes, voicing their thoughts. A collective deep sigh sounds, and a sense of defeat has settled upon the five women. The emptiness of loss is ever growing in Lexa’s chest, but even still she tries to push the sensation back, not wanting to acknowledge why it is there. She is not one to run from anything, but these feelings seem to challenge that.

“Give them a five mile radius,” Maggie offers feebly. “Enough ground for them to hunt, but not enough for them to reach any other Grounder villages.”

Kara nods in agreement, her eyes landing on Lexa. The Commander knows it is ultimately she who must agree to this plan.

_ I’ve lost her,  _ she thinks.

“Okay,” she says.

* * *

 

Clarke stands from the bed begrudgingly, groaning in displeasure as the outside air hits her bare skin. The body heat built up beneath the furs was infinitely warmer, and Lexa shivers as she feels the heat escape. She fights the urge to pull the furs up to her chin.

Instead, she watches Clarke move. Her body is breathtaking, even more so as Lexa sees her fully in the sunlight. She is curvaceous, with hills and valleys creating a near perfect figure. Her body is soft to the touch, far softer than Lexa’s, but the Commander supposes that that itself is endearing. Already, her heart is beginning to ache as Clarke pulls her garments back on, covering her beautiful and delicate fair skin. The lump in the Commander’s throat returns, and she feels her eyes beginning to sting.

When Clarke is dressed, she turns back to Lexa, silent. Her ocean blues scan the Commander’s exposed body, drinking her in. Lexa should feel vulnerable, maybe even violated by such a wanting gaze - but she doesn’t. Love radiates from the blonde’s eyes, warming her goosebump-covered skin. She feels safe.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Clarke breathes, and it is only then that Lexa notices the tears that have welled up in her eyes. They look so bright, almost a sapphire blue when she cries. 

Lexa sits up immediately, her muscles almost aching from the strenuous activities they had just participated in. She stands, allowing Clarke to pull her up, and wraps herself around her lover as tightly as her tired arms will allow. She realizes with another pang in her heart that this is the first hug the two of them have ever shared.

“No, niron,” Lexa whispers, surprising herself as the term of endearment slips past her lips, “this is not goodbye.”

Clarke sniffles, her breath ragged and shuddering against Lexa’s shoulder. No words will suffice; instead, Lexa just holds her, her lips occasionally pressing gently to Clarke’s forehead. 

Margeux’s words of wisdom from late the night before cross the Commander’s mind, now: an old saying that Alex taught her. “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it was meant to be.”

Clarke pulls back and presses her lips to Lexa’s once more, and they hold their gaze afterward for only a moment. Then, in the blink of an eye, she is gone.

* * *

 

Kara really, really despises guns.

In one moment, there are bullets in her adoptive parents’ bodies, and dark red blood is pouring from the holes they left. In the next, there is a crack in the air as the only siblings from the Ark become an only child. 

In the next, that telltale sound of death rings out from the tower in the heart of Polis. Kara is in the air before she can even take a breath, and she uses every ounce of power she has to speed to the tower.

She is there just a millisecond too late. As she lands on Clarke’s balcony, the devastating crack of a bullet sounds again. It has never sounded so loud.

Lexa looks down, her body already shaking, and she stares emptily at the hole in her abdomen. Sick black liquid is already beginning to seep through the fabric of her ruffled shirt. It feels as though everything is in slow motion as Lexa collapses to the ground, her body in shock. 

Clarke is the first to be able to react. She catches the Commander before she hits the floor, screaming words that Kara can’t comprehend but somehow follows her instructions anyway. Her ears ringing and vision blurring, Kara rushes over and helps support Lexa’s weight as they carry her to the bed. People are yelling things all around her, but Kara can’t hear them. She’s staring, frozen, unable to breathe…

“KARA!”

Suddenly, Alex is shaking her shoulders with impressive strength. Kara shakes her head and looks to Alex’s red and bloodshot eyes, and the world rushes in all at once. Lexa’s breathing is labored, and her body is spasming, rejecting the bullet. Clarke is hovered over her, hurriedly yelling for water and supplies. Maggie sprints out the door to get them stumbling as she goes; she’s shaking like a leaf. Lena is standing over a man that Kara has only seen once or twice. The name John Murphy comes to mind, and from what she knows about that name, he’s not very well liked. There’s a sword in Lena’s hands and she’s aiming it directly at Murphy’s throat. Kara can’t figure out why until she sees the gun in his hands, still smoking from how recently it had been fired.

“Kara, we need you to find the bullet, we have to get it out,” Alex says hurriedly. Kara’s head snaps toward Lexa, and she tunes into her x-ray vision immediately. The bullet is lodged deep in her abdomen. With a lurch in her stomach, Kara realizes it is almost all the way through. The reason it isn’t all the way through is because it is stuck in her spine. The bullet also grazed several arteries on the way in; blood is filling her abdominal cavity faster than even Kara’s eyes can keep up with.

She realizes, with a sick, sinking feeling, that they can’t get the bullet out, and they can’t stop the bleeding. 

Still, they will try.

“Don’t try to take the bullet out, it’s going to make it worse,” Kara urges Clarke. Clarke nods, not questioning, and instead moves on to the bleeding. Maggie runs back into the room and hands off the bowl of water and cloth.

Kara briefly apologizes to the Commander, then tears her shirt open, exposing her bare stomach. Hardly any skin can be seen, for it is covered in a sheen of black. The hole in her stomach is practically spouting blood like a fountain, and for a moment Kara wonders if she’s going to be sick for the first time in her life. Alex lets out something of a sob as she takes in the scene before her, and she falls to her knees. The usually strong and fearless warrior leans against the bed, now, unable to help, muttering what Kara hears to be prayers under her breath.

Lexa is gasping, her body flailing against her will, and her eyes have pooled with tears.

“Hey, Heda,” Clarke whispers. “Don’t you dare give up.”

“I’m not,” Lexa wheezes. Her eyes widen slightly, as if trying to emphasize her point. 

They work for minutes that seem like hours, but it is no use. The bleeding can’t be stopped, and the bullet can’t be moved without killing Lexa.

“You were right, Clarke,” Lexa says, staring up at the blonde. Clarke gives up her efforts, ceasing her attempts to stop the bleeding. “Life is about more than just surviving.”

At Lexa’s words, everyone in the room seems to break. Tears fill every woman’s eyes, and Kara feels her knees beginning to buckle. She keeps waiting to wake up, for this all to have been a horrible nightmare, but still it goes on. She doesn’t wake up.

Alex is at her side, now, no longer crumpled to the floor. She grips Kara’s hand with all the strength she has, and Kara holds on for dear life. Tears slip down her their cheeks as they watch on, helpless.

Clarke’s next words are the most painful of all.

“In peace may you leave this shore,” she begins. Kara recognizes the words, but does not feel the same connection as Alex does. Her sister gasps, and her eyes fall shut as silent sobs wrack her frail looking frame. Kara pulls her sister into her chest, and Alex doesn’t protest.

“In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels on your final journey to the ground,” Clarke continues, struggling against the lump in her throat to get the words out. Lexa’s breathing is slowing, now, and her heartbeat as well. Each pause between beats seems indefinite, and Kara is terrified that another may not come.

“May we meet again,” Clarke whispers, leaning down. She presses her lips to Lexa’s gingerly, and the Commander kisses her back with as much might as she can muster. 

When Clarke finally pulls back, Kara’s fears become reality. There isn’t another beat, and Lexa kom Trikru’s chest falls for the last time.

The reactions in the room are quite different, and it’s almost interesting to see the way each person reacts to grief so strong that words can’t contain it. Alex only continues to cry, barely able to breathe. Kara’s eyes flood with fresh tears that slip down her rosy cheeks, but the sensation feels empty; inside, she is hollow and still. Clarke bursts into heavy sobs, and Maggie, crying silently, has to pull her away from Lexa’s body so that she may begin the death ritual. Kara sees the way her hands shake violently.

Lena, however, allows her Luthor genes to shine through for just this moment. Though tears pour in thick streams down her face, and she is crying harder than Kara has seen in a long time, there is a frightening fire in her eyes. They are alight with a murderous flame as the sword in her hands presses against Murphy’s throat, now, drawing blood. 

“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t kill you,” Lena hisses, almost scaring Kara with the malice and venom in her voice. 

Murphy stares back with empty yet misty eyes, making no attempt to defend himself.

“I can’t,” he admits softly. He wears the same look of resignation that Pike did just a short while before. He has already accepted his imminent death.

Kara wishes she could tell her lover to stop, to put the sword down and leave the man to go. She wishes that she didn’t, for the first time in her life, feel the desire to become a murderess. To take penance for a crime committed against her. 

Just as Murphy can’t give Lena a reason, Kara can’t, either.

Lena seems to sense this understanding, for she draws the sword back. Kara looks away, diverting her attention to Maggie’s ritual, but she cannot block out the sound of the sword piercing Murphy’s heart. It ceases to beat almost instantly.

The ritual finishes and Lexa’s death is announced to the guards outside. Maggie carries Lexa’s body away bridal style, and the way the Commander’s limbs and head seem to hang limply makes Kara’s stomach lurch again. She releases Alex hurriedly and sprints to the washroom in Clarke’s room, and the contents of her stomach are heaved into the toilet. Her throat burns and her eyes water, but she returns to the other part of the quarters quickly.

She takes in the sight of Clarke sobbing against the bed, Lena weeping against the hilt of her sword, still pressed into Murphy’s chest, and Alex looking around with an expression of utmost defeat and helplessness. Her heart pounds, a familiar yet ancient anxiety creeping into every nook and crevice of her body. 

The last time Kara felt this way, she was watching her planet explode as she was taken away in a pod to a new world. She supposes that, for the second time, she is watching her home crumble to pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really miss Lexa.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long! Life sort of got in the way of doing much fun stuff. However, though this was a tad rushed, I still hope that it is enjoyable enough to be a good finale to this series! I've loved writing it. Though I disagree with some things happening with the two shows and the casts (cough Supergirl SDCC cough), I still look forward to the next seasons. I'll try to write more when time allows.

After Lexa’s official memorial, when the sun is low in the sky and darkness is beginning to seep in, the remaining quintet retreats into the depths of the woods surrounding Polis. It is, after all, the place Lexa loved most. Though not much for superstition, Lena swears she can feel the Commander still. It is as though she follows them, only footfalls behind. 

A stash of aged alcohol that Lexa would sip on the hardest of nights is uncovered, and sobriety soon becomes a thing of the light. It doesn’t take much to become intoxicated, especially not for the native Grounders; rarely is more than one serving of alcohol had at one time. Within two servings, Kara, Alex, Lena, and Maggie are thoroughly inebriated. Clarke holds her own a for a bit longer, slightly more capable of tolerating the poison, but is soon as gone as the rest of them.

The memories of the night are blurred by the time Lena wakes the next morning, safe in bed beside Kara. Despite being unable to recall much, the feeling that Lexa has not left them still remains. She decides then and there that spirits do exist, and the Commander’s will be by their side until it is time to join her.

* * *

 

They never really heal. Or at least, Kara doesn’t. The loss of her Earth parents and her Commander, the one who gave her purpose, in a matter of mere days is enough to put her into a depression that lasts another few days. It is so deep that not even Lena’s or Alex’s love can rouse her from it. Despite all of the responsibilities and tasks to complete in the absence of a Commander, she does not eat, drink, or move for days on end. 

She isn’t sure how much more she can handle, but as always, Rao and every other God that exists puts that limit to the test. 

It actually astounds Kara how much happens in the 42 days following Lexa’s death. Everything she could possibly imagine, things she thought only happened in films and stories, seems to come to be. She wonders sometimes if her mind is playing tricks on her, unable to cope with the trauma it has endured. Still, she plays along whether it is real or not.

It is day 43. The biggest threat of all, one that has loomed over their heads since day 7, is upon them. In Trigedasleng, it is called Praimfaya. In English, it is a massive wave of fire that will wipe out the entire planet for the second time in a century. Radiation levels are rising to almost unbearable levels, and those not safely far away from the surface of Earth will be dead within hours.

Of course, that leaves just two options for humanity’s survival. They must live far below the Earth’s surface, or far above it. In space.

Those left on Earth in these final hours have chosen their final destinations for the next few years, a fact that Kara can’t even wrap her head around. There are 1,200 people that will reside in a bunker found just days before. It will be cramped, and Kara is afraid of what tensions may rise, but the people that will stay there are in good hands. 

“Clarke, I don’t know if I can do this.”

Kara hears Octavia’s voice over the radio across the room. Clarke has been on the radio for the past twenty minutes, saying goodbye to her mother, then Marcus, and now Octavia. The radiation will rise to a level at which the radio won’t function soon; these are the last words they will speak to each other for five years. 

“If anyone in that bunker is ready to lead, it’s you,” Clarke reassures. She runs her thumb across the side of the speaker, almost as if she’s trying to comfort the woman on the other end. “Not even Kane could do better.”

Octavia sniffles, but says nothing. The static is beginning to rise, and Kara knows there’s not much time. She looks out the glass windows onto the floor below them, where everyone else is hurriedly trying to prepare the rocket they’re about to launch. The giant countdown timer on the wall is red and glaring. T-minus 60 minutes, and the Earth becomes a giant ball of flame.

“Do you have the headpiece?” Clarke asks quietly. Kara raises an eyebrow, turning her head back to Clarke. 

“I don’t...I can’t, she…”

“Would want you to,” Clarke finishes, gently cutting Octavia’s protests short. “You’ve earned this.”

Kara realizes with a freight train to the chest that they’re talking about Lexa’s headpiece, the little gear-like emblem which she wore between her eyes. The memory of the Commander makes it hard to breathe for a moment, and she hears her own breath shudder as she inhales. Clarke must hear it, too; her eyes flit up for a moment, but only just.

After a few more beats of silence on Octavia’s end, the new leader speaks.

“I hope I’ll make her proud,” she says quietly. “Her and Bell both.”

The mention of Bellamy brings tears to Clarke’s eyes, and her resolve starts to crumple. Her face contorts and she allows herself a moment to cry. It is a moment and nothing more, for she takes a deep breath and pulls her composure back as soon as possible. It is not so easy for Kara, however; she can’t seem to stop the tears that have begun to slip down her cheeks. Though her powers have returned, she still feels completely and utterly powerless.

“You will, Octavia,” Clarke promises. “You will.”

“See you in five years,” Octavia replies meekly. Before Clarke has a chance to respond, the radio cuts out. 

This time, Clarke’s composure doesn’t crack. She places the speaker back onto the radio, the click echoing in the small room as it settles into place. 

“Thank you for staying here with me, I didn’t want to do that alone,” she admits, standing as she speaks to Kara. Kara nods.

“Now is not the time for anyone to be alone,” she replies, not even bothering to wipe the tears from her cheeks. There’s no point in hiding anymore, no point in pretending to be strong and pretending that this doesn’t hurt. The world is ending. What is there left to lose?

In urgent silence, the two of them hurry downstairs where chaos surrounds them the second they reach the floor. 

“Where’s Monty and Lena?” Kara asks, realizing that the shaggy haired boy she recently met is nowhere to be seen, and neither is her lover. She feels panic rising in her chest at Lena’s absence.

“They went to go get the oxygen scrubber for the ship,” Alex says, rushing over to her. “They’ll be back soon, I promise. Lena insisted. She wouldn’t let me go, and Monty wouldn’t let Maggie go without me.”

The panic rises even further as she realizes that Lena is out there in a world about to burst into flames. She wants to scream, to ask why no one thought to send her out instead, but she doesn’t get a chance to. Something bursts in the ship, sending sparks flying everywhere and Raven jolting backwards. Everyone sprints to her side immediately.

“Perfect!” she yells, enraged. She throws down her tools and they clatter with a loud bang of metal on metal, making Kara flinch. Raven hangs her head in her hands, breathing hard but otherwise completely still.

“What happened?” Maggie asks, her expression dripping with concern. 

“We’re pushing this too fast,” Raven says, her words muffled. She sits up, wiping the sweat off her face and pushing her hair back. “The communications system is down. The Ark ring is freakin’ powered by the comms system.”

Kara’s heart sinks to the floor. “So we have no power when we get up there. No oxygen.”

“Yeah,” Raven spits back. “So we’re stuck here.”

“No,” Clarke says immediately, pulling herself into the ship with Raven. “Absolutely not. You do not get to give up right now, Raven Reyes.”

“What is there to do, Clarke? I didn’t know how to do all this shit unless I had ALIE in my brain! I don’t know how to do any of this without her!” Raven shouts. Her eyes are dark and sunken; she is nearly at the end of her rope, a feeling Kara is becoming all too familiar with.

Clarke seems unfazed by Raven’s anger. She counters back immediately, her voice softer and calmer than before. “You were saving our lives long before you had her in your brain. You are more than smart enough on your own. All you have to do is think.”

Raven almost growls in frustration, but seems to be thinking anyway. Her eyes dart across the control panel of the ship, as though searching for some answer. Finally, she gets one.

“ALIE was transmitting herself to the Ark ring through satellite towers. So we need to turn on the ring with a satellite tower.”

Kara’s emotions are conflicting. Half of her is excited and grateful that there’s an answer to their problems, but she feels that disintegrate when she realizes what that means. Yet another person has to go out into the hell that is the outside of the lab. Yet another person’s life becomes even more at risk than it already is. Kara begins to wonder whether they’re going to make it after all, but cuts the thought off before it can grow into anything more.

Clarke is jumping out of the ship and heading toward the suits before anyone else can claim the job. 

“Nope, absolutely not,” Kara says, heading for the suits as well. There’s just enough left for the rest of them. “No way in hell are you going out there alone.”

Wordlessly, Maggie, Alex, and Raven follow. Minutes later, they’re in full radation-protective gear. 

“Let’s move,” Alex says, and they head for the door.

* * *

 

Not long after they leave the lab, they run into Lena, and she’s got the oxygen scrubber they need. Clarke feels a rush of relief to see her alive and unharmed. She searches for Monty, figuring he’s a few paces behind for some reason, but she sees nothing. Monty is nowhere to be found.

When they meet up with Lena, the estranged princess is practically hysterical. She falls into Kara’s arms almost instantly, and the superhuman woman sets the heavy scrubber down with one arm next to her. Though the suits prevent them from hugging very tightly, Kara still tries to hold Lena as she trembles and attempts to speak from within her helmet.

“Monty, he- he took off his gloves to get the scrubber,” she says. “He passed out, and I couldn’t get to him, and I knew I had to get this back...I left him there. God, I left him there!”

She’s almost hyperventilating, now, and Clarke puts her hands on Lena’s shoulders, looking her square in the eye.

“It’s okay, you did what you had to. We’re gonna find him, okay? We’re gonna find him. I promise,” Clarke promises, her eyes darting between Lena’s. The raven haired woman can’t seem to comprehend; all Clarke can see is pure terror staring back.

She’s barking orders before she even has a chance to think about them, realizing that time is of the essence and they’re running frighteningly low on it.

“Raven, Kara, and Lena, get the scrubber back to the ship and fix the damn thing, we have to leave as soon as the ring is up and running. Alex, Maggie, go find Monty and get him back to the lab. If we can treat his burns, do it. I’ll go to the satellite and turn on the ring,” she says. She doesn’t know why she decides that she will go it alone, but it seems right. She refuses to separate any of the couples; she would not wish that pain on anyone. She isn’t sure she could live with herself if another pair become just half.

“You can’t go alone, Clarke!” Raven urges, but it is halfhearted. Clarke appreciates that she tries, but the brunette knows the truth as well as anyone. It is the only way.

“It’s okay, Raven,” Clarke responds through the lump in her throat. “It’s okay.”

Raven opens her mouth to speak, eyes desperate and hopeful, but nothing comes out. She knows. There’s nothing more to do now; they have to go, and Clarke has to fix the ring alone.

“I’ll see you soon, Clarke,” the mechanic says, but it comes out as more of a question than anything.

“I’ll see you soon,” Clarke replies. She hates the way her vision is beginning to blur, because she can’t make out the details of anything. Her last memory of Kara, Lena, and Raven is three blurry silhouettes running off to the ship.

“May we meet again,” Clarke whispers to herself, blinking as fast as she can to see clearly once more.

The moment of grief is cut off quickly, for a load roar catches her attention. She turns, and her breath catches in her throat at what she sees. Far off in the distance, easily miles and miles away, Praimfaya is rising. She is monstrous and angry, a menacing red and orange wave on the horizon that climbs closer and closer. It is as if the hourglass is reaching its end, the last bits of sand slipping through to the other side as time runs dry.

Clarke is filled with sudden urgency. She dashes to the satellite tower and throws open the box which she needs to connect to. 

“Sat star one,” she whispers, eyes darting back and forth between all the different ports in front of her. One is labelled “Satellite Star One.” She breathes a sigh of relief, her hands shaking as she pushes the plugin into the port. 

At first, it seems as though it’s working. The tablet in her hands powers up, and for a moment Clarke believes that they just might make it. That even though their imminent death is roaring toward her as she watches this screen, they just might make it off the ground before it engulfs them in flame.

But then the tablet displays an error message. Dish not aligned.

“No!” Clarke screeches, and it can be described as nothing more than a screech. The sound that leaves her is all but animalistic. This can’t happen. They have come too far, lost too much, worked too hard for this damned dish to not be properly aligned to save their lives.

She tries a few more times to connect, but it is in vain, as the same error message is blared in a monotonous, unfeeling voice from the tablet. It does not realize the end of everything is, quite literally, on the horizon.

Clarke looks up. The tower before her is tall and frightening, and a fall from it would be certain death. However, it seems as though she has but one option. If the dish isn’t aligned right now, she will have to align it herself.

She has to climb.

She goes to grab the first rung of the tower, but the timer on her wrist catches her eye. She watches the clock hit ten minutes, then keep going down.

Clarke realizes with a heavy pang in her heart that she won’t make it back in time. Or, rather, that it’s extremely unlikely; the time it will take to climb, fix the satelitte, and climb down alone may very well take every second of the nine minutes she has left.

She supposes she can spare a minute. The radio in her pocket is almost surely dead, but still, she pulls it out.

“If you can hear me,” she begins, her voice tremulous, “don’t wait.”

Then, she climbs.

By the time she reaches the top of the tower, every muscle in her body aches. The wave on the horizon is terrifyingly close, and it’s increasingly more difficult to block out the roar of the flames. The heat is nearly unbearable. Sweat drips down her body from every possible pore, leaving her drenched and dehydrated.

She wonders for a moment if this is hell after all. 

The minutes continue to count down. The tower is shaking furiously, struggling to remain steady with extra weight at the top of its thin frame. Clarke hurriedly plugs into the ports at the top of the tower, quickly finding the one labeled Satellite Star One once again. The same error message blares from the tablet, but she does not react to it this time. Instead, she climbs even further. She is standing on the very tip of the tower, and she swears she has never been so high up. The thought almost amuses her; she’s been in space, but this feels like she’s looking down from the heavens.

She reaches for the dish, realizing she’s going to have to move it herself. She pulls on it with one arm, needing the other for stability, but it doesn’t budge. The tower is shaking even harder now, as though it too is panicking as the death wave approaches. Clarke’s muscles scream in agony, nothing more than useless jelly. She doesn’t have the strength to move the dish alone, but there’s no one else. By now, Raven and the rest of them are already in space, waiting for a reprieve that will never come. They will die there of suffocation, all because Clarke is too weak to move the damned dish.

“Ogeda!”

No. Impossible.

Clarke turns her head, and she nearly loses her grip when she registers what’s across from her. There, on the other side of the tower, clinging to dear life wearing nothing but tattered chest binders and undershorts, is Lexa.

She really must be hallucinating. But if hallucinating Lexa is going to give her the strength she needs to move the dish, she supposes it’s not the worst thing in the world. It will be a nice last memory.

Lexa grabs onto one side of the dish, and Clarke grabs onto the other. There is a renewed strength in her, and when Lexa nods her head, they pull.

It takes three tries, but finally, the tablet speaks.

“Dish aligned.”

“YES!” Clarke shouts, still breathing heavily. Lexa grins ear to ear. Her tangled and matted hair is blowing everywhere, covering her bruised and battered face. She looks as weak and destroyed as Clarke has ever seen her, with cuts and bruises and the beginnings of radiation burns covering every inch of visible skin, but that smile… that smile has never been so strong.

A saddening thought crosses Clarke’s mind, and it makes the smile on her own face fall suddenly. Her throat is already burning from the radiation seeping into the suit, but it burns even more as she fights against the lump that rises in it. 

Lexa, however, seems unfazed. As mere seconds passes, the burns on her body only deepen, and she’s starting to cough now. The radiation has made its way into her lungs. Yet, when she turns and looks at Clarke directly in the eyes for the first time in 43 days, it’s as though everything is as peaceful as that quiet moment in her room weeks ago.

“Shouldn’t we try to get somewhere safe?” Clarke asks over the roar of the death wave, but Lexa shakes her head. Instead, she reaches out her hand. When Clarke takes it, they both groan against the pain of touching raw burns, but don’t dare to let go. Not again. Til death do them part.

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Lexa shouts back, the action sending her into another coughing fit. “I’m done. Ai gonplei ste odon.”

Clarke wonders for a moment why her mind is imagining allowing Lexa to die again, but she tries to ignore the thought. Lexa is here, even if she isn’t real, and that’s enough for her. At least she isn’t alone in her final moments.

“Ai gonplei ste odon,” Clarke replies in confirmation. She grips Lexa’s hand tighter, tears springing to her eyes from the burning it causes, and allows her eyes to fall shut.

Her final moment of peace is interrupted by an unexpected yet familiar face rushing toward them, wearing what appears to be a spacesuit. The figure wraps one arm around Clarke and the other around Lexa, effectively swooping them off of the tower and landing on the ground. The death wave is sixty seconds away, at the most.

Kara tears the spacesuit off of her body and thrusts it urgently toward Lexa. Clarke’s mind is too weak to process any of this, or why she’s imagining it, so she stops trying. She simply watches as Kara shouts at Lexa to put the damn suit on, along with a few other Trigedasleng expletives and swearing upon Rao. Lexa immediately protests, watching with Clarke as Kara’s skin begins to burn from the radiation, but Kara is having none of it. She practically forces Lexa into the suit as she shakily helps the woman into it, making sure it is secure.

The second the helmet clicks, Kara is grabbing them both and soaring upward, leaving the wave of fire roaring below them. It takes only seconds before it engulfs the very place which they were standing, sending the tower crashing to the ground. Clarke prays that it stood long enough to power up the Ark.

All at once, Clarke is seeing stars. 

Literal stars. In seconds, they’ve passed through the atmosphere and been thrust into space. There’s barely any oxygen left in Clarke and Lexa’s suits, and they immediately start gasping for air. Kara appears to pass out the second they reach space. Her grip slackens, but the hold she had on them while they were still on Earth was strong enough that Clarke and Lexa float loosely by her side still. 

Clarke glances over at Lexa, who is trying hard not to audibly gasp for air. Her eyes are bloodshot and her lips are turning blue. They have only minutes left. 

Neither of them can speak. They simply stay there, staring only at each other and grabbing onto Kara so they don’t drift away. 

As tightly as they hold, Clarke can’t fight the blackness anymore. She is dizzy and everything around her is fading. She can’t feel her fingers or her toes. Oddly enough, she can’t feel her nose, either. The darkness seeps into her until she can’t feel or see anything.

She hears her last breath.  _ Ai gonplei ste odon. _

* * *

 

“KARA JOKEN DANVERS!”

Lexa wakes to the sound of Lena screaming at the top of her lungs. She doesn’t open her eyes at first; the artificial light above her is already too bright on her eyelids. She takes a few slow, deep breaths, allowing herself to feel the air rushing into her lungs after what felt like an eternity of nothingness. The pain of her burns still remains, but something has lessened it somehow. She does not know what, yet, but she is grateful.

“Lena, will you just-”

“That was a suicide mission! Do you realize that? You could have been killed! And you didn’t even tell me, you just-”

“Saved my life.”

The words are weak and scratchy, and they barely sound like her voice at all, but it is her voice. She didn’t realize she could make any sound at all, so she is pleased to find that she can.

Lexa blinks against the fluorescent light bearing down on her. As her eyes adjust, she figures that they must be in some sort of medical area. There’s something in her forearm that’s attached to a bag of liquid, what she can only presume to be medicine. She is covered in bandages; hardly a centimeter of her skin is visible. These bandages are white and soft, nothing like the tan cloths they used on the ground. 

A lightly burnt Kara and furious Lena turn toward her immediately, quickly followed by the rest of the people in the room; a burnt and battered Clarke, also covered in bandages but still somehow standing, an exhausted looking Raven, a boy she believes to be named Monty, and Alex and Maggie, both looking worn down. 

Lexa pushes herself into a sitting position as gently as she can, then attempts standing. She nearly falls, but before anyone can rush to help her, she finds her balance. She holds onto the cool, shining metal rod that’s holding her medicine, then turns to face the others in the room.

“Hi,” she rasps, smiling even though it hurts. 

Clarke, somehow, is the first person over to her, even though Kara and Lena are just feet away. They embrace instantly, ignoring the agony it causes to press against the still raw wounds. They can only manage a few seconds, however, and instead delicately kiss each other’s lips. The closeness will have to wait until after they heal a bit, and Lexa doesn’t mind. She’s got years; there’s nothing to fear anymore.

“Lexa, forgive me, I never wanted to insinuate that-” Lena begins, hurriedly trying to explain herself. Lexa grins and shakes her head.

“I know you’re grateful that we’re alive. You’re only worried about Kara, I understand.”

Lena smiles gratefully, then turns to Kara. Her smile falters, and she lets out an angry huff, studying the blonde’s face. Lexa watches the angry leave her eyes, however, as she pulls Kara close to her with one arm and cradles her face with the other. She gently presses her lips to Kara’s forehead, and it melts Lexa’s heart to see the Kryptonian’s smile, out of Lena’s view.

“H...how?” Alex asks shakily as everyone slowly approaches her. She and Clarke sit on the bed behind them, while the others crowd around it, still standing. Clarke turns to her, eyes full to the brim with unshed tears, awaiting the same explanation.

“I don’t remember much,” Lexa admits. “One minute I was taking my last breath. The next, I awoke in some sort of bunker beneath the ground. It was highly technological. There was medicine, food, water, and screens everywhere so that I could watch what was happening in the outside world. The only thing I did not have was any new clothes. I tried a few times to escape, but could not. Suddenly, with ten minutes before Praimfaya hit, the doors opened. I got out and came to find you as quickly as I could.”

She adds the last part quickly, turning to Clarke as she does so. Clarke sniffles, tears streaming down her cheeks. She mouths a thank you, and Lexa nods slowly in return.

No one really has anything to say. There’s nothing to say - no sense in dwelling on what was, trying to understand it. The past is gone, and only the future remains.

There’s a digital clock that helps them keep track of the time as if they were still on Earth. They eat slowly, food that is delicious yet still very clearly “space food” as Alex calls it, and talk about nothing in particular. They settle on a few rooms that are closeby, each only mere feet away in case they need each other in the night. They have five years on this ship until it is safe to return to Earth’s surface, but they try not to think about it too much. 

The belongings of those who used to live in the rooms still remain, and Alex makes a discovery not too long after they retire to the rooms for the night. As Clarke and Lexa lay in silence on their bed, their wounds redressed and medicine reapplied, there’s a soft knock at the door.

“I found a movie you might like, Clarke,” Alex says, her voice lilting with something that can almost be described as joy. From her place on Lexa’s chest, the brunette can feel Clarke smile.

They all pile into Alex and Maggie’s room, Raven and Monty included, and Monty gets the television up and working. Without letting anyone see the box from which she takes it, Alex pushes a thin, round disc into a machine that’s connected to the screen.

“What is that?” Lexa whispers, feeling slightly ridiculous for not knowing much about technology. She isn’t the only one, however; Lena and Maggie look as perplexed as Lexa does. They watch with intrigue as the screen lights up, an image displayed on it immediately.

“It holds the data for the movie so that you can watch it anywhere that has a machine to read that data,” Clarke whispers back as Monty hits a button a few times, effectively making the sound louder. “It’s called a DVD.”

Lexa nods, turning her attention back to the screen. They all settle against the various pieces of furniture decorating the room; two chairs, a couch, and a bed. The resemblance to her room on Earth makes Lexa feel almost homesick, but she pushes back the feeling when she realizes who she’s with. Home has traveled with her.

They watch a movie about magic. Alex and Clarke say some of the lines before they’re said, or mock the characters. They get excited about certain parts and laugh more than they should at the bits meant to be humorous. No one else in the room understands, but Lexa can’t deny - it’s heartwarming to watch the two of them so happy, like nothing bad has happened.

They fall asleep soon into the second film. The room falls hush and they begin to draw close to each other. The last thing Lexa hears that night is the lilting music from the screen through one ear, and Clarke’s alive and beating heart through the other.

**Author's Note:**

> Any thoughts are appreciated!


End file.
